the paradox of high-masking autistics

this is a little bit of a vent-y video. i'm having a hard time right now with work and how hard i've been masking my autism and i'm burned out and can't keep it up anymore. but i also don't really know where to go from here. it doesn't always seem feasible to ask for accommodations, especially when even asking the question opens me up to judgment and potentially changing how i'm perceived in the workplace. and because of how i have developed my masking, i feel a desperate need to control how other people perceive me in order to protect myself. i'm grappling with the mask now, trying to figure out how to show up as my most authentic self (and what that would even look like).
i hope if you're watching this and relating to it that you don't feel alone in this experience. thank you for sharing your time with me by watching this video! more coming soon~