My Commissar Hates My Jokes (inspired by Warhammer 40K) - a Fan Made song

Album: For The Emperor (Tavern music inspired by Warhammer 40k)
Track: My Commissar Hates My Jokes
Artist: Barhound
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I hope you enjoyed this bardic banger straight out of the Underhive. Scroll down for full lyrics. This song is a part of our parody-fueled musical saga through the grim darkness of the 41st millennium! If you enjoyed it, please like and share with your folks. Subscribe for more awesome songs:    / @barhoundofficial  
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(As an indie musician, I pay for production, publishing and distribution. It would be great if you can support.)
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🛑 Disclaimer: This song is a fan-made parody and not associated with Games Workshop. All Warhammer 40K references belong to their rightful owners. This content is for satirical and entertainment purposes only.
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📜 Full lyrics:
I cracked a pun near the front line trench
Something ‘bout lasguns and the Emperor’s stench
The squad gave a chuckle, the sergeant just sighed
Then the Commissar glared like somebody died

I try to lift morale, not bury it deep
But he stares like I'm Chaos in a flak heap

My Commissar hates my jokes
He'd rather I chant hymns or just cough up smoke
Every punchline earns a death-stare blast
One more bad pun, I’ll be purged real fast

I told him a riddle 'bout plasma coils
He muttered "heresy" and checked his spoils
He polished his bolt pistol, cocked it once
Then asked if I’d like to repeat that “stunt”

I just want to lighten this Emperor-forsaken mood
But he treats every joke like a warp-tainted feud

My Commissar hates my jokes
Even worse than mutants or xeno blokes
He’s got a grin made of frozen guilt
And a hat so tight it could warp his kilt

I mime a Cadian doing a jig
He shouts "traitor!" and loads something big
I swear I saw him almost smile one night
But he blamed it on gas and ordered a smite

I told a joke once during prayer and liturgy
He made me mop blood for an entire century

My Commissar hates my jokes
He’d rather trade hugs with a Tzeentchian hoax
Even grox-laughs make him curse aloud
My comedy’s banned, but I play to the crowd

Last week I slipped on a servitor’s wire
Landed face-first in a field latrine fire
He said “That was the funniest thing I’ve seen”
Then demoted me back to the latrine machine

Sometimes I think he’s laughing deep inside
Right next to the part where all joy died

My Commissar hates my jokes
But he hasn't shot me, so there’s still hope
If he ever smirks, I’ll write it down
And sell it to scribes all over town

“Two guardsmen walk into a bar—
The first is executed… the second gets far…”

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Discipline."
"...Discipline who?"
“Exactly.”
"Bro, that wasn't even a good joke."

Hey!

My Commissar hates my jokes
But I’ll keep trying ‘til he finally croaks
If laughter's heresy, then mark me well—
I’ll be the happiest corpse in this grimdark hell

#warhammer40k #wh40k #tavernmusic #darktide #spacemarine2 #epicmusic

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🛑AI Disclosure: Some elements of this track were enhanced using AI. Vocals and instruments are AI-assisted. My natural voice is smoother, and I primarily play acoustic rhythm and percussive guitar. The final mix includes AI-generated enhancements and additional instrumentation. Lyrics are written by me. I occasionally use ChatGPT for editing, proofing or rhyming help.