210 - "I Was Petrified": Ex-Jehovah's Witness Experienced "Constant White Knuckle Paralytic Terror"

This episode is the personal testimony of Micah, a 42-year-old former Jehovah's Witness, detailing his life within the organization, his subsequent departure, and his journey toward recovery and self-redefinition. Born into the religion to parents with significant personal trauma, Micah's childhood was defined by a "constant white knuckle paralytic terror" of Armageddon. His life was marked by a series of compounding traumas, including the death of his father at age 13, a profound lack of emotional support from his family and congregation, and severe mental health struggles leading to multiple suicide attempts.

Micah's narrative illustrates a cyclical pattern of rejection, self-destructive behavior, and attempts to conform to the group's expectations, resulting in two instances of being disfellowshipped. He describes feeling like a "non-entity," with his authentic self—expressed through writing, art, and comedy—consistently suppressed. The breaking point came during the COVID-19 pandemic, which, coupled with escalating substance abuse and a final confrontation with an elder, led to his arrest, incarceration, and subsequent homelessness.

His recovery began in a halfway house where he identified the recovery program, Alcoholics Anonymous, as another high-control group with cult-like tactics. This realization prompted a period of intense deconstruction, where he researched cult dynamics and logical fallacies, leading to the definitive conclusion that he was raised in a cult. By reclaiming his identity through his lifelong passion for writing, Micah published a series of books, starting with his memoir Mentally Diseased. This creative process was the catalyst for rebuilding his life, paying off debt, establishing a new community, and finding a sense of empowerment. His story is a powerful account of the damaging effects of high-control groups and the potential for profound personal transformation through authentic self-expression.

Find Micah's books and more at his website https://www.micahallenlosh.com/

Are you struggling in some area of life? Feeling stuck? Struggling with perfectionism, building a social network, codependency, or feeling like you're not enough? Need an accountability partner or some encouragement? Need to talk to someone that understands cult life? Reach out and let’s talk. I have affordable programs to help as a Cult Recovery Coach. I work with many ex-JWs, along with ex-other groups, and your average person that has never been in a cult that wants better things in their life. Find out more here:
https://storyworkscoaching.com

I also have an ExJW specific site here:
https://exjwhelp.com

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Show notes and information on how to be a guest or find other resources for the podcast can be found here:
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Read my free online book, based on my original podcast This JW Life (still available on podcast apps), called Becoming Jehovah (in English and Spanish) at:
https://becomingjehovah.com/

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