The Absence of Needs

-How and why do codependents often try to NOT have needs?

-What do defense mechanisms like suppression have to do with neglecting our needs?

-If you suppress your needs, what can you do to stop and start honoring them?

Welcome to Episode 168! In this episode, I will share about my futile attempt to not have needs, especially in my marriage, in the first few weeks of motherhood! Tell me I’m codependent without telling me I’m codependent: I pretended to not have needs! You’ll hear me discuss defense mechanisms then expand on one of the more common in codependents: suppression. I wrap it up nicely by sharing an anecdote in hopes it will help you understand and know you are not alone. It’s a must-listen episode!

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More details on this episode: 

We begin with our usual check-in. 

I then reflect on codependency in my marriage (and how I have naively thought I was not codependent with my husband). 

How does this relate to my experience with early motherhood? I describe my regression into a familiar defense mechanism: suppression. I provide a description of defense mechanisms and share about the more common ones: displacement, denial, and projection. 

We shift to what suppression looks like in codependents and why we often use it as a defense mechanism: to avoid mental pain, unacceptable feelings, and unacceptable behaviors. 

We conclude with an anecdote from my experience as a new mom where I tried to not have needs. There was an absence of needs. Thankfully it wasn’t sustainable and I’m not being a codepend-mama. I hope the example helps you know you are not alone. 

Thanks for listening!

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With love,

Marissa