I Thought She Was A Saint! (parody tavern music inspired by Warhammer 40K) - Adepta Sororitas

Track: I Thought She Was A Saint!
Artist: Barhound
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I hope you enjoyed this bardic banger straight out of the Underhive. Scroll down for full lyrics. This song is a part of our parody-fueled musical saga through the grim darkness of the 41st millennium! If you enjoyed it, please like and share with your folks. Subscribe for more awesome songs:    / @barhoundofficial  
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(As an indie musician, I pay for production, publishing and distribution. It would be great if you can support.)
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🛑 Disclaimer: This song is a fan-made parody and not associated with Games Workshop. All Warhammer 40K references belong to their rightful owners. This content is for satirical and entertainment purposes only.
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📜 Full lyrics:
She walked in the bar with that holy glow,
Rosary swingin’ and stridin’ real slow
Her armor was polished, her flamer was hot
I thought “By the Throne, I’m gonna give this a shot”

She said “Repent or burn,” with a wink and a sway
I said “You can cleanse me... all night, any day”

Holy crap! I thought she was a saint!
But she beat me in arm-wrestling, then peppered me with paint
I brought her some flowers, she brought me a gun
And called it foreplay—guess that’s her kind of fun

I asked for her name, she said “Canoness Blaire”
She kissed me once, then shaved off my hair
She whispered sweet litanies right in my ear
And then made me confess all my crimes and my beer

I said “Let’s skip prayers, how ’bout we sin?”
She said “Only if you enjoy pain and discipline”

Holy crap! I thought she was a saint!
But she kicked down my door when I said “I feel faint”
She tied me to pews, read scriptures out loud
And flogged me so hard that I blacked out proud

She called me her “little heretical snack”
Then made me recite all the Codex out back
She said “You’re impure,” I said “That’s my line”
She baptized my groin with some promethium wine

I brought scented candles, she brought sacred oils
She said “Get on your knees,” then boiled my spoils

Holy crap! I thought she was a saint!
But she drilled through my flak vest with zero restraint
We never kissed, just sparred with chains
Now I pee sideways and speak in refrains

Now I limp through life with a grin and a twitch
And a shrine to her boot right under my kitsch
My squadmates all laugh, they say “Damn, you’re brave”
But I’d do it again for how she made me behave

She said “Love is war,” I said “Load and fire”
Now my safe word’s “Emperor” and my soul’s for hire

Holy crap! I thought she was a saint!
But she smacked my devotion 'til I nearly went faint
She sang me hymns while lighting a torch
And I screamed “Ave Imperator!” off her porch

Boys… if she’s got a bolter and a chastity seal the size of a dinner plate…
Don’t flirt.
Or do. But make sure your life insurance covers “purifying incineration.”

Holy crap! I really REALLY thought she was a saint!
But she smacked my devotion 'til I nearly went faint
She sang me hymns while lighting a torch
And I screamed “Ave Imperator!” off her porch

#warhammer40k #wh40k #tavernmusic #darktide #spacemarine2 #epicmusic

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🛑AI Disclosure: Some elements of this track were enhanced using AI. Vocals and instruments are AI-assisted. My natural voice is smoother, and I primarily play acoustic rhythm and percussive guitar. The final mix includes AI-generated enhancements and additional instrumentation. Lyrics are written by me. I occasionally use ChatGPT for editing, proofing or rhyming help.