Japanese Dating Etiquette Achieving Dating Success In Japan

Japanese dating etiquette achieving dating success in Japan.
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My name is Stephen Frost, I am the founder of Marriage Matching here in Osaka, Japan. Dating etiquette is actually very important when it comes to dating in Japan.

A lot of people, when they first come to Japan, expect things to be pretty much as they would be in any westernized country or other developed country around the world. Reality is very different, for a start actually meeting people getting a date in the first place comes with a bunch of hurdles associated with it and a bunch of etiquette which is important. Actually, just going up to someone and asking them on a date, very unlikely to bring any kind of success. This bounds back to Japanese culture and the whole basis of trust and reliability. People want to know that someone is reliable and trustworthy before they exchange contact information, let alone go on a first date. As a result, a lot of the dating that goes on in Japan, it happens via social connections, mutual friends, other associates.

This then leads to another stark contrast with most westernized countries. Casual dating is very much the same in a lot of places, things tend to move very quickly, even though it's called casual dating in Western countries, people get physical very early on. In Japan, people have casual dating, but casual dating here is literally going out for coffee with someone, getting to know them as a friend and working out whether the kind of rapport and trust is there, in order for dating to be viable.

During dating people want to see good behavior. They want to see consistency, reliability. This is how society works within Japan. It's consistent on the good behavior, good standing, good morals. Even eating habits, those kind of things. They're very natural ones to be checking for. Learning to use chopsticks, very, very wise, because then people could see you eat nicely. You understand the culture.

Men tend to treat the lady. It depends on what generation, what age group you are within, but you may find that if you are splitting bills or suggesting to split the bill, that could well be the last date that you go on. Men, and this is something that we always advise through Marriage Matching, when you go on a date and this is even if people in their 20s, treat the lady.

When it comes to messaging, now a lot of people overseas, they’re used to constantly messaging. In Japan, phones are not permitted in workplaces basically. So as a result, when it comes to dating in Japan and dating etiquette, refrain from messages during work time. Keep them to evenings, keep them to weekends.

Dates need to be organized in advance. Just going off the cuff saying, hey, you around today at 4:00, let's go for a coffee, it's generally not going to go down well with a partner because they're likely to have plans, or if they feel that they're waiting around constantly to actually have a date with their partner, it's going to get uncomfortable for them, and they're probably likely to move on fairly quickly.

When it comes to other things, we do get questions about whether, people should be offering to meet the parents to help advance the relationship. Well, while in Western countries that can be seen as a good thing, it’s very casual, very easygoing, yeah, meet the family it’s all very nice, everyone gets along, it's great. In Japan, if you are offering to meet the parents, you are essentially giving a proposal of marriage.

Japanese people generally use very indirect communication, a lot of nuance is there. So for a lot of people that come from countries where direct communication is the norm, people will say what they mean and they don't mince words, communication can be a challenge in Japan. So start getting good with nuanced communication, indirect communication, understanding the nonverbal cues as well.

Public displays of affection. In Japan, those kind of things are rather rare. Kissing in public is virtually taboo. You can cause a huge amount of discomfort to a potential partner by actually going in for a kiss when you were in a public place. It’s pretty much a no no, especially early on in dates. Kissing is something that is generally reserved for people who are in a very serious, committed relationship, or are even married, and even then, people in those situations, very, very rare for them to actually kiss in public. It’s just a no no here. Hugging, again, you will not see that in public. Holding hands, again in Japan, it's a sign of commitment.

Learning the Japanese language, or at least making a semblance of learning the Japanese language and speaking some Japanese here and there with your partner is generally seen as a good idea as well, partly because of etiquette, partly because it shows willing and will help to improve the relationship.