Season 2 Ep 4: Relationships with Borderlines, Patterns that Begin with Emotional Dysregulation

BPD, Victimhood, & The Truth About Emotionally Abusive Relationships
“It’s not about what’s wrong with me. It’s about what’s wrong with them.”
(Bailey, 2024, Sept. 13)

This episode is a deep reflection on emotional integrity, victimhood, and how those of us with BPD often struggle with relationships that mirror the trauma we grew up with.

When you’ve normalized abuse from a young age, it becomes hard to tell where love ends and harm begins. We explore how those with BPD—myself included—can fall into unhealthy romantic dynamics, sometimes as victims, sometimes as participants, and often as both.

“Borderlines often perceive themselves as helpless victims—even when their own behavior may have affected or created a situation.”
(Engle, 2023, p. 39)

In this episode, I break down 7 types of emotionally abusive relationships that borderline individuals and their partners may find themselves in:

One partner is abusive, the other is not

One begins the abuse, the other retaliates

Both partners emotionally abuse each other from the start

The roles of abuser and abused are unclear

One partner sets the other up to become abusive

Abuse stems from untreated mental illness or personality disorders

Both partners engage in emotional abuse over time

This isn’t about blame. It’s about truth, healing, and choosing to unlearn the trauma we mistook for love.

"Trust the path—that there is somebody who can hold this heart. Be tender as much as strong and embody the same love that my soul and theirs deserves."
(Illi Stovall)


#BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #EmotionalAbuse #VictimMentality #HealingFromAbuse #ToxicRelationships #AbuseRecovery #RelationshipPatterns #MentalHealthAwareness #ComplexTrauma #BPDRelationships #TraumaBonds #ShadowWork #SelfAwareness #HealingJourney #EmotionalHealing #MentalHealthPodcast #SurvivorVoices



Recommended Film:
Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolf? YouTube.
What’s love got to do with it? (1993 - control and domination)
Gaslighting (1940)

Grounding and Center Yoga Class:    • How to do yoga for Centering and Grounding...  
Recommended Book:
Necessary Losses by Judith Viorst (1986)

References

Adler, M. (2022, February 28). How to Use the Power of Self Inquiry to Finall Find Out Who the F*ck You Are. Back from the Borderline. [Podcast]. Spotify. https://open.spotify.com/episode/73OP...

American Psychiatric Association: Practice Guideline for the Treatment of Patients With Borderline Personality Disorder. Am J Psychiatry 2001; 158(suppl):1–52

The Center for Family Counciling Services
http://www.thecifc.com/

Deltoro, R. (2023, October 10). What is a Wise Mind and How to Find Yours? https://thepleasantmind.com/wise-mind...

Dosha Quiz and Assessment + Workbook (email list) - Jai Bhakti Yoga Foundation

Engel, B. (2023). The Emotionally Abusive Relationship How to a stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing. Second Edition. Publisher Jossey-Bass, A Wiley Brand. (pp. 15, 19-30).

Five Love Languages - The Love Language® Quiz

FREE JBYF Yoga Classes:
   / @jbyfnola  

Sun Salutation A class:    • Classic Sun A Vinyasa  

Golier, J. A., Yehuda, R., Bierer, L. M., Mitropoulou, V., New, A. S., Schmeidler, J., ... & Siever, L. J. (2003). The relationship of borderline personality disorder to posttraumatic stress disorder and traumatic events. American Journal of Psychiatry, 160(11), 2018-2024.

Gunderson, J. G. (2007). Disturbed relationships as a phenotype for borderline personality disorder. American Journal of Psychiatry, 164(11), 1637-1640.

Little SA, Garber J. (2005). The role of social stressors and interpersonal orientation in explaining the longitudinal relation between externalizing and depressive symptoms. J Abnorm Psychol 2005; 114:432–443

Marsha Linehan, Ph.D., ABPP Dialectical Behavioral Therapy
https://depts.washington.edu/uwbrtc/o...

NAMI
https://www.nami.org/help?msclkid=379...

START CORP Louisiana for Mental and Physical Health
https://www.startcorp.org/
https://www.startcorp.org/new-orleans


Suicide Hotline - 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline - Call. Text. Chat.

Treatment Resources: http://depts.washington.edu/uwbrtc/re...