5 dec updated

update on today. i was at the supermarket and had a full red zone meltdown. the cashier was going too fast for me. i asked him to slow down i couldnt handle it. he didnt. kept trying to tell him but he didnt stop. tried to show him my card that ive had a stroke and to get him to listen to me i ended up yelling at him to stop. he read it then carried on.
i completely lost it shaking and couldnt speak. all the people in the supermarket were looking and to be honest i didnt care. when the cashier, people in the shop all talking at me at once i couldnt take anymore. i pushed the shopping trolley it was too close to me. i was unable to move and ended up curled in a ball on the floor. there were too many people talking. i had my airpods in but it was still too loud. my eyes were closed, crying and couldnt move.
the manager came. the cashier said something about my just melting down. i explained to her what happened and a lady in the queue behind came to help me. the manager offered me a chair and some water. i managed to pay and she asked me if i was driving then offered to walk me to the car making sure i was ok. she was so kind and compassionate. i felt a hand on my shoulder and it was a friend who happened to be in the supermarket. she heard there was a guy at the checkout in full meltdown. putting two and two together and worked out it was me. the lady behind me in the queue came to check on me as well. the manager as ok with me and went to have a talk with the cashier. my friend walked me to the car and helped me load it making sure i was ok.
got home told ferdi and went to sleep. because i had enough energy i recovered pretty quickly.

take-aways from all this: what could i have done differently - walk away from the shop without paying (bad idea, we needed to eat), to be honest not a lot. i tried everything to make him listen to me as i was visibly melting down in front of him an it didnt work.
lots of people saw me melt down do i care? no i tried to stop it happening
i didnt throw anything and kept people away from me so nobody got hurt.
the manager was decent showed me compassion and helped
my friend was amazing and said if i need to go there again on a friday text her and she will be my wingman
i recovered quickly - win
knowing therapy is finishing soon do i still need the safety net - i dont think so
will i spend days beating myself up over this - dont believe so
told fluffy about it as well and know with certainty i have and amazing support network that cares for me.
im going to be ok