What is avoidant attachment? Let's break it down

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complete transcript: What is avoidant attachment? Let's break it down

Holistic psychologist: Here's what someone who is avoidantly attached wants you to know.

Growing up, I never had safety or attunement, instead, I was met with criticism or completely ignored. So withdrawing is my survival mechanism. My nervous system goes into a flea response, and I feel trapped often. And I think the solution to having intense emotions, is to run away from them.

I'm hyper sensitive to criticism, and I view a conflict as a personal attack. I was never shown that people can grow closer together through healthy communication. I fear conflict so much I never speak up for myself. Until one day I become so overstimulated I shut you out. I blame you for this and struggle to see how it's my own fear of vulnerability. I feel smothered by your emotions and needs. No one showed me how to meet my needs, so meeting yours feels impossible.

At one time being dependent on someone was terrifying. Being hyper-independent gives me the illusion that I'm safe. Ironically It only keeps us further apart. I spent most of my childhood alone in my room. Being alone with no one to perceive me or judge me, is the only place I feel like I can be myself. Sometimes when I'm with you, I feel like all of my flaws are on display.