Ranking Grocery Store Birthday Cakes

Matt’s sweet tooth is back on the clock, and this time, he’s not tasting alone. In this sugar-fueled episode of Bless Your Rank, Matt is joined by a very special guest: his wife, Lisa. Together, they embark on a frosting-covered quest to rank birthday cakes from the most iconic grocery store bakeries in the South (and a few wild cards too).

The contenders? Oh, we got ’em: Walmart, Winn-Dixie, Publix, Kroger, Whole Foods, Costco, and Piggly Wiggly. That’s right—we rounded up birthday cakes from every place you’ve ever panic-bought a last-minute dessert and asked the hard questions: Is that icing buttercream or that awful whipped nonsense? Did they actually bake this today or just defrost it from the Bush administration? And most importantly, can you have too many balloons on a cake?

Will Publix live up to its legendary Southern bakery rep? Can Kroger surprise us? Is Whole Foods really charging money for this crap? And what exactly does a Piggly Wiggly birthday cake taste like? Matt and Lisa are here to investigate, one sugary slice at a time.

If you’ve ever licked the icing off a plastic balloon or debated whether to eat the weird gel flowers, this one’s for you.

👕 - Matt's Merch - https://gettinplaceshop.com/
🎙️ - Matt's Podcast - https://www.hootnandhollern.com/
👇 Let me know what food/drink you'd like to see ranked next in the comments!