Do You Avoid These Intimacy Skills In Your Marriage?

In this episode, EJ and Tarah sit down with intimacy educator Dan Purcell, founder of Get Your Marriage On, to talk about a concept many couples have never explored: eyes open s*x.

Dan explains why s*x can be inherently anxiety inducing, how “getting it over with” becomes a pattern, and what it takes to build the kind of connected, soulful intimacy that is about more than just an orgasm exchange.

They also dig into common marriage dynamics like the higher desire vs lower desire tug of war, why s*x can feel validating but not truly connecting, and how couples can create connection first so s*x becomes a natural extension of that connection.


You will learn:
• Why “eyes open s*x” is really about tolerating closeness, not just keeping the lights on

• The dimmer switch idea: intimacy is not just on or off

• A better initiation question that reduces pressure and increases safety

• How foreplay avoidance can be driven by vulnerability and anxiety

• A practical routine for busy couples: “The Two Step” (connect first, then have s*x while holding the connection)

• Exercises that build closeness, including eye gazing and “hugging until relaxed”


Timestamps
00:00 Intro, Eyes Open S*x with Dan Purcell
00:21 Who Dan is, why he helps couples with intimacy
04:49 Religious shame vs s*x positive theology and culture
08:43 You cannot solve intimacy problems with the same model
09:53 When s*x becomes routine, tired, late night dynamic
11:41 S*x as a dimmer switch, not an on off switch
12:26 A better initiation: “What sounds pleasurable for you tonight?”
15:55 Defining Eyes Open S*x, “check the box” vs soulful intimacy
17:16 Why foreplay gets skipped, anxiety about being seen
19:12 Tolerating closeness, regulating anxiety, eye gazing practice
20:06 Tarah shares retreat story, trauma, eye contact in intimacy
22:47 Hugging until relaxed and what your hug reveals
27:43 When affection feels unsatisfying and couples start avoiding
33:21 Big shift: stop extracting connection from s*x, connect first
36:47 Validation vs connection, why s*x helps me connect can mislead
38:57 The Two Step for busy couples, naked time without expectation
42:27 Expectations, authenticity, and how your spouse tracks motives
44:51 Dan’s free gifts, apps, and where to find him
46:08 Closing thoughts, intimacy and good s*x are worth building