What are needs? with Jim Manske - NVC Dudes Ep48

James and Jim talk about universal human needs. James' favorite definition is "life energy in us seeking fulfillment", first attributed to Julie Greene of BayNVC. Jim shared about how a baby lives without the concept of needs. An even better definition for Jim is "needs are life" -- James got all excited, the more he tunes into needs, he realizes that the words get in the way. Each person's experience is unique -- my words might not match your experience. Currently, James is wanting to let go of the need words while expanding into something bigger -- experiencing more freedom to express the "life energy in us seeking fulfillment." Jim highlights that sometimes when communicating we get caught up in the rightness or wrongness of words. Jim remembers transformative idea from Marshall Rosenberg (paraphrased): "Never think that what you say is empathy. Empathy is where we place our attention -- on the life that's inside another person".


Jim hopes that NVC trainers get out of the business of correction: "It's horrifying to me to remember the times I've translated what someone has said into my own words -- [projected] my concepts on that person's private experience." James brings up the case of wanting to get that person's experience, which requires a bit of dialogue. "Are you willing to explore this with me because I'd like to understand your experience?" Jim loves it when people come up with new needs words...


Jim and Jori Manske's website is http://radicalcompassion.com/


For information on James' offerings, go to https://www.CompassionateConnecting.com

What is NVC? Here is the breakdown from the Center for Nonviolent Communication https://www.cnvc.org

"With Nonviolent Communication (NVC) we learn to hear our own deeper needs and those of others. Through its emphasis on deep listening—to ourselves as well as others—NVC helps us discover the depth of our own compassion. This language reveals the awareness that all human beings are only trying to honor universal values and needs, every minute, every day.

NVC can be seen as both a spiritual practice that helps us see our common humanity, using our power in a way that honors everyone's needs, and a concrete set of skills which help us create life-serving families and communities.

The form is simple, yet powerfully transformative.

Through the practice of NVC, we can learn to clarify what we are observing, what emotions we are feeling, what values we want to live by, and what we want to ask of ourselves and others. We will no longer need to use the language of blame, judgment or domination. We can experience the deep pleasure of contributing to each others' well being.

NVC creates a path for healing and reconciliation in its many applications, ranging from intimate relationships, work settings, health care, social services, police, prison staff and inmates, to governments, schools and social change organizations.

"All that has been integrated into NVC has been known for centuries about consciousness, language, communication skills, and use of power that enable us to maintain a perspective of empathy for ourselves and others, even under trying conditions."
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD

Nonviolent Communication contains nothing new. It is based on historical principles of nonviolence-- the natural state of compassion when no violence is present in the heart. NVC reminds us what we already instinctively know about how good it feels to authentically connect to another human being."