In the Beginning was the Word

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God
But let’s be honest, His real homie? That’s Tod
I read it front to back, tried to give it a shot
All I can say is… man, this shit is wack, it’s hot

[Verse 1]
Genesis kicks off, light splits from dark
Tod’s in the corner scribblin’ on a notepad, mark
Sky and sea, land and trees, fish that swim
Tod whispers, “Bro, y’all writing a hymn or a whim?”

Animals in pairs, walking straight on deck
Dinosaurs bumpin’ elbows, “Yo, what the heck?”
Noah nods like he planned the whole zoo
Tod sips his water, “You tryna count kangaroos?”

Eden’s fruit forbidden, serpent on the prowl
Adam bites first, Eve’s like, “Wait, holy owl!”
Tod laughs, “Y’all really gonna base life on this tale?”
“Snake’s clever, God’s mad, and man’s doomed to fail”

Flood comes crashing, waters rise and rise
Two of everything in a boat—bro, don’t improvise
Frogs, locusts, boils, plagues in a row
Tod shrugs, “God’s ideas could use a veto”

[Hook]
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God
But let’s be honest, His real homie? That’s Tod
I read it front to back, tried to give it a shot
All I can say is… man, this shit is wack, it’s hot

[Verse 2]
Moses parts seas, people walking dry
Tod mutters, “Water’s still wet, I don’t even try”
Stone tablets dropped, Commandments in tow
Man breaks one, and the world screams “Oh no!”

Jonah swallowed by a whale, three days inside
Tod leans back, “Next time, maybe Uber ride”
Babylon falls, kings shake in fright
Tod sipping wine, “Man, did you check the height?”

David slings a rock, Goliath takes a dive
Tod laughs, “Bro, math checks out? He survived?”
Prophets yelling fire, visions of doom
Tod whispers, “Y’all need a broom for this gloom”

[Hook]
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God
But let’s be honest, His real homie? That’s Tod
I read it front to back, tried to give it a shot
All I can say is… man, this shit is wack, it’s hot

[Verse 3]
Jesus shows up, miracles on display
Turning water into wine, fish loaves for the day
Walking on water, healing the blind
Tod side-eyes, “Bro, did you read the fine line?”

Resurrections, angels flying in the night
Tod shakes his head, “Logic left the building, alright”
Mountains move, seas roar, prophets prophesy
Tod mutters, “Bro, somebody call geography”

Parables and teachings, stories on repeat
Literal minds say, “Man, this all feels neat”
Tod chuckles, “If y’all taking notes, get a grip
Life ain’t a math problem, this is a trip”

[Bridge]
Floods, fires, talking animals, chariots of flame
Literalists sweating, Tod’s laughing at the game #spirituality #exjw #exjwcomedy #exfundie #Bible #Christian #Scripture

If you think every line’s meant to be fact
Tod’s like, “Bro, chill, it’s fiction, that’s that”

[Hook]
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God
But let’s be honest, His real homie? That’s Tod
I read it front to back, tried to give it a shot
All I can say is… man, this shit is wack, it’s hot

[Verse 4]
Revelation hits, end of days in sight
Seven seals poppin’, seven trumpets ignite
Tod yawns, “Man, is this a show or a fright?”
“Dragons and beasts, come on, get it right”

Plagues of locusts, fire raining down
Tod waves, “I’ll just grab a seat in this town”
Heaven and Hell, brimstone eternal
Tod sighs, “Somebody call planning, this infernal”

Angels with swords, dragons with wings
Tod whispers, “Bro, this is some crazy things”
From Garden to Cross, flood to the flame
Tod’s commentary makes literalism lame

[Final Hook]
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God
But let’s be honest, His real homie? That’s Tod
I read it front to back, tried to give it a shot
All I can say is… man, this shit is wack, it’s hot

[Outro]
So take your literal lenses, and put them down
Tod’s here to roast the stories, wearin’ the crown
From Genesis to Revelation, we laughed and clapped
This is the gospel of skepticism, and that’s a wrap