When Tech Stress Hits

This is a small clip from a wonderful conversation I was so lucky to have with ailey jolie yesterday. It will take me some time to get the whole thing out on the podcast feed, but I wanted to share this moment immediately, since Thanksgiving is in one week, and the holidays are a time for random, spiky stress.

Some background: I was frazzled when I jumped on the call with Ailey — the Zoom link I sent her was suddenly not allowing me to log in as host, which meant I couldn’t record. I was experiencing a small tech stress, but it felt like a big tech stress.

I was relieved that I was about to speak to someone who is so knowledgeable about somatics and the human body. I thought, “When she sees me try log in, and suddenly my passwords don’t work, she will understand immediately that I am stuck in flight or fight.” I knew that I could talk to Ailey about the little tempest in a teacup that is the kinds of things that we go through every single day in our lives. I decided to make this my first question to kick off the interview.

I found Ailey’s response to my question so thoughtful and wonderful. Maybe you will too. If her words give you just a little bit of the relaxation and understanding they gave me — if they make you feel understood, the way I did — then that is a gift I’m glad to share.

Transcript

Meredith Arthur: I can’t wait to get into all of your work, but one place — just as a experiencer, knowledgeable person, expert in this space — I would love to know from you in these moments, when we feel ourselves just panic into fight or flight and the sympathetic nervous system: How do you navigate that yourself? What would you tell someone, like, “This is a thing to do at this moment”?

Ailey Jolie: I love the question and I’ll take the flattery in the question that there’s a little bit of an assumption that I don’t respond in the ways that other humans do when I totally do this. Flustered with emails like all the things, tech not working, cortisol and adrenaline go all the way up.

One thing that I often find myself reminding myself of is just my very finite capacity, or just acknowledging I only have so much energy. I only have so much tolerance. I only have so much time. And right now this so small, almost perceptually insignificant thing, if I zoomed out took a step back, is just too much for my very finite capacity.

it reminds me of the reality of my human body that it is finite

And that is something (at least for me) it pulls me back even into my body. It can feel quite handy but because it reminds me of the reality of my human body that it is finite. I can’t do everything. I’m not going to respond super well to every little thing that happens. There are things that I’m just going to mess up and blunder and that’s a part of being human and that’s what I’m here to experience.

And so it becomes for me a little bit more of a spiritual practice. I feel like right now I’m in a spiritual technology practice and I’m not loving it but it is my practice. I think that that frame for me is quite helpful and being trained as a therapist or psychologist there’s obviously the places of take a deep breath or feel your feet on the ground or grab a glass of water or walk away and I could say all those things and they do help a lot of people. I hear that. But not super helpful for me.

we are finite and our tolerance might be low today

What is helpful is bringing my brain in there and my brain reminding the rest of my other, cognitive capacities that we are finite and our tolerance might be low today. And that’s just where we’re at.

Meredith Arthur: I love you.

That’s it! Here’s the part you don’t see in the clip. After this moment, when Ailey said those words to me, I completely relaxed into my conversation with her. I could literally feel the shift in my body. Tension I had been holding for a couple of days melted away.

This happened because Ailey gave voice to something I had been thinking and feeling myself, and I felt so grateful for her time and care. There is something profoundly relaxing about accepting that our window of tolerance is where it is, even as we are working to expand it. See if this approach helps you, too.

Happy Thanksgiving my beautiful Voyagers! I am grateful for you all.