43. 🌈 Wiser Now, Dammit: How We Self-Sabotage in Love & Life

43. Hey y’all — I’m Ashley Hydrick, your Southern Lesbian — and yes, I did drag out the skeleton onesie for this one because Halloween in London deserves a little festivity and a lot of truth.

This week we’re diving into the subtle ways we self-sabotage our relationships — not with drama, but with avoidance and over-giving. Both are just fear in disguise.

In this episode:
The Nice Girl / Cool Girl trap — when being “low maintenance” turns into self-erasure.
The Free Girl trap — keeping life so busy that intimacy can’t land.
How childhood patterns of silence or control sneak into adult relationships.
The Big Realization: both the distancer and the pleaser are driven by fear — one protects freedom, the other belonging — and neither gives intimacy a fair shot.
What “being calm” actually means (and what it does not mean).
Why alignment and communication beat chaos and guesswork every time.
We’ll laugh about Halloween in Hollywood, hot flashes, and those moments when our own “keep the peace” habits get in the way of the connection we really want.
“You ain’t got to earn anybody’s love — you’re worthy just because you exist.”
If this episode helps you see your own patterns a little clearer, leave a comment and share it with a friend who’s ready to be #WiserNowDammit too.

📍 Timestamps
00:00 – Intro + Halloween onesie chaos02:15 – “Let them be who they are” – when good advice goes sideways04:45 – Nice Girl / Cool Girl trap09:50 – Free Girl / Busy Trap14:20 – Seeing your partner in different seasons18:00 – Calm vs. anxiety in love22:30 – The core fear: freedom vs. belonging27:10 – The universe “tests” our growth30:40 – Closing reminders & affirmations

⚠️ Disclaimer
✨ Disclaimer/Reminder: I’m not a doctor — this show is for entertainment and encouragement only. Views expressed are mine or my guest’s and do not represent sponsors or affiliates. Any similarity to real people is purely coincidental.

🌈 Connect with Your Southern Lesbian
🎙️ YouTube + Podcast: Your Southern Lesbian📱 TikTok + Instagram: @yoursouthernlesbian✉️ To Sponsor: sponsor@angelbabyfilms.studio💌 Guest Applications + Questions: yslinfo@angelbabyfilms.studio📍 London, UK | Charleston, SC, USA


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