Radiarc - Bury Me (Ponies At Dawn Release)

You don't need me anymore.

https://poniesatdawn.bandcamp.com/ (the album is pay what you want; until I release my next compilation, this will be the only way to get this song, but doing so supports me and everyone else who collaborated on this)

If you want to listen to more of my stuff or support me:

https://radiarc.bandcamp.com/
  / radiarc  

Artwork: https://www.deviantart.com/art/Warrio...

This song actually started with me just wanting to completely drop everything pony related and had nothing to do with ponies, but I was browsing through my pony archive for inspiration, and when I saw this picture, everything clicked.
This song was made during a very dark time where I'd just lost all hope of anything getting better, and if you look at the titles of my songs released since All That's Left, you can see how I felt.
The original plan was to make a series of songs leading up to the point of this upload, Bury Me, where I'd just break away from the fandom because I just feel like I'm not who I used to be and I never became who I wanted to be.
Ever since Makkon left, I wanted to not necessarily take his place, but seek to do what he did, and innovate in the orchestral side of the fandom and keep pushing the boundaries as far as I could while hopefully inspiring others to do the same, but after a while, I noticed that I just kept getting overlooked in favor of people like Carbon Maestro and Aurelleah, and I just couldn't take it anymore.
I was tired of being repeatedly shoved into the backseat, and going to cons where even some fellow musicians that I respect seemed to treat me like I didn't belong anywhere near them or just looked at me as a sales opportunity.
Music was never about any fame or money or whatever, it was about pushing myself as a musician to get to a point where I could freely express my thoughts and my stories, and work to help others on their path to do the same, but outside of sub count, I just never seemed to gain much traction and ended up falling on my face time and time again.

All That's Left, Don't Look At Me, Still, I Fall, Denouement, Bury Me.
After that, I was gonna go out not with a bang, but with a sort of passing note; I just felt that after 6 years of giving it my all in this community, it was time to just move on, and maybe I'd come back later.
It was just too much stress to constantly look back over my work and think "Was any of this even good?", especially after continuously refining myself and my processes and feeling like I'd gotten somewhere, and then to look at people who I felt still had a lot to learn but had gotten tens of thousands of views just out of nowhere.
I just felt like maybe I wasn't capable of making anything that really mattered, and this song was my way of saying "I'm done."

The story of the song will be detailed in the comments section, but I hope you guys understand what I'm talking about.
I don't feel any more special than any other musician in the fandom, and I honestly forget half the time that I even make music, but I wanted to gain popularity so it would be easier for people to hear what I could do and ask questions that would help further their own work, and possibly surpass me.
I can acknowledge that I'm likely the face of the orchestral community, it just never feels that way because on my end, I've just been in the shadows for the entirety of my time here.
It's hard to get across that feeling since I know there are people that would love more than anything to be where I am now, and I'm grateful for this channel and the progress it's made and the people who support me, but...I dunno.
A lot of times, I wonder how other "big" musicians would feel if they only got 1k views on their latest and greatest upload that they apparently poured all of their heart and soul into.
I wonder if they would be just as "passionate" as they are now.
I wonder if they'd still have such a positive outlook on the community and the direction everything is headed.
I wonder if they'd start to see that maybe there are others out there who don't feel the same way, that maybe the big picture isn't the beautiful masterpiece they thought it was.
I wonder if they'd be like me, drawing from recurring feelings of genuine brokenness.
Maybe they'd get it.

Thanks for listening.