Episode 126: Undoing the Dread of Aging

Have you ever felt disgust or revulsion at someone who is old? Or do you fear your own old age? My wish is for you to feel that disgust, revulsion, or at least resistance to aging.

Really—you want me to have a “negative feeling?”

Yes, because we cannot change the culture’s anti-aging messaging if we do not come in touch with our disdain, disregard, or condescending attitudes toward old people.

If you’ve done any work on unconscious bias in racism, you know that when culture teaches fear or distrust and we absorb it as truth, it bypasses the rational mind. Once we feel those deeply held beliefs—which are untrue—we have a chance to replace them with attitudes worthy of us all.

We are making real strides in our attitudes toward menopause.

But “old age” is still something we recoil from, fear, or disrespect.

Most people do not want to become old. It has become taboo. Yet we know we can’t escape it unless we die early, so marketers exploit our fear of aging and desire to stay young. Yes, we make exceptions for our granny or a particular old person. But old age as a demographic has become toxic. If someone is old, the culture may treat them like a has-been.

We discard and disrespect old people—yet, if we are lucky, that will be us.

I am in the early stages of old age. I still feel relevant, powerful, move well, and wear cute clothes—even though my body shows old-age marks, varicose veins, and hanging skin. Around 75 I began having word-retrieval issues. Anxiety made it worse; accepting it as a normal part of aging made it slightly easier.

If I am lucky, I will likely face mobility or medical issues ahead. Can I accept the next stages and keep dignity, relevance, and personal power? My wish is to stay conscious about death with those I feel connected to.

Do you imagine how you would like to age?

The first step is becoming conscious of the societal teaching to recoil from old people. For another time, we can talk about the portal that opens when we realize we are harming ourselves with old-age beliefs.

I suggest using the word old if you are old. Many groups have reduced stigma by reclaiming loaded words. It will not make people think of you differently—But do not do it to be reassured that you are not old.

Please join me in shifting our culture’s attitude so we can all benefit. Hit reply with the word join if you’re interested in learning more ways to find satisfaction as we age without denying the inevitable.

With love,
Rosalyn

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Rosalyn Rourke is a psychotherapist, best-selling author, and Master Enneagram Teacher with over 30 years of experience helping individuals navigate grief, trauma, and personal transformation. Her work blends deep professional insight with personal experience, particularly following the sudden loss of her daughter. She is the author of When Wisdom Arrives: From Imagined Unworthiness to Freedom and regularly speaks on topics like mortality, resilience, and emotional healing.

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