[Former OcR]

this round was DNF (1:34, 2x off), 1:36 (this solve), 1:37 (sub the old OcR). would've been 1:36.08 mean without the dnf.

solve itself isn't particularly pretty, most notably the pause during wings is my biggest time loss. i don't really care to be honest, just happy to get this on the board.

when i started learning blind, you could not convince me that one day i'd simultaneously hold every OcR from 4BLD, 5BLD and Multi, and also be the first oceanian to do so. taking a step back to reflect on my accomplishments i'm so thankful that cubing has been not only a fun little hobby to kill time, but also has shown itself to be a vessel for me to better myself in ways i can't have predicted.

after my 5BLD OcR in Canberra i was venting to ​⁠‪@BlueJacketCubes‬. super bummed out about how 4BLD went, i lamented that even if i eventually got the record, i couldn't genuinely say whether or not all the work i've put in would even come close to being worth it. he simply replied with "no amount of work that anyone can put into anything can go fruitless with patience". i chalked it up to bullshit at the time, i was despondent over other matters and so convinced that i was past the point of potential joy outweighing the toil and work. if i beat the record by even a couple of seconds, that wouldn't even come close to reflecting the hours spent away from my friends, wasting away every spare second of my time. it couldn't redeem the relentless disappointment that shadowed me after every round. it just couldn't.

but ohhhhhhhh yes it can. one second, ten seconds, doesn't matter to me now. this time is still hot garbage, but the burden lifted off my shoulders from finally busting through this brick wall in my brain is unbelievable to describe and was worth it in every way.

i cried. after the camera turned off and i had no more than five seconds to process what this signified personally, i was in tears before i had any chance to fight it. letting all of the pain and disappointment i'd bottled inside burst out was my only option and i'll remember that gap between 2nd and 3rd solve forever.

this marks the end for now.
i've divulged to a few at this comp and a lot of my close mates, but this comp is the last one i'll be attending until worlds. i need time to set some things right in my head that this grind has not helped at all in easing. cubing is a chore and there are certain things i need to move on from and leave behind before i'm able to get some headway into meaningful practice again. however long that may be i'm uncertain, but this community means so much to me and leaving it behind is not in the cards. will be using the time i have now to rest up, take a back seat and let the world happen.

i'll be back for worlds, with any luck i'll actually be able to turn this into something good.

also i'm 22 tomorrow yeehawwwwwwwww

text recon: https://tinyurl.com/yck924t9

Side N Blind Narre Warren 2023, Final Round, Solve 2

NR 1
CR 1
WR 12

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