Ep58: Coercive Control, Accountability & Custody — A Deep Dive with Nil Buckley

In this episode of the Children First Family Law®️ podcast, Krista welcomes Nil Buckley, a licensed professional counselor, licensed addiction counselor, and domestic violence clinical supervisor whose expertise bridges trauma-informed mental health, forensic evaluation, and family law. Nil is the founder of Vivas Counseling and Care Forensic Solutions and creator of The CARE Method, an evidence-based program now used in multiple states to support both survivors and offenders. Her background includes extensive work with the Colorado Department of Corrections, court-ordered treatment programs, and expert testimony in criminal and domestic relations cases.

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Drawing from this deep professional experience, Nil joins Krista to explore how coercive control and its related forms, including legal abuse, financial manipulation, and psychological coercion, show up in custody cases and family court. She explains that there are now 24 recognized forms of abuse in the global research literature, yet many family law professionals still focus only on physical harm. Nil’s work seeks to change that by educating judges, attorneys, and mental health providers about the full spectrum of domestic violence and its impact on children.

The discussion also examines Colorado’s evolving domestic violence laws, such as Kayden’s Law, which aim to protect families better but can be challenging to implement consistently in court. Nil and Krista address the tension between holding offenders accountable and ensuring survivors aren’t further harmed by systems meant to safeguard them. They share real-world examples of how trauma, reactive behaviors, and legal complexity intersect in divorce and custody disputes and what professionals can do to create safer, more balanced outcomes.

This conversation launches a continuing series on domestic violence and coercive control, setting the stage for future episodes with Nil that will dive even deeper into the realities of abuse, accountability, and healing in family law.

In this episode, you will hear:
-Expanding definitions of abuse beyond physical violence
-How coercive control and legal abuse appear in custody disputes
-Why trauma-informed evaluations matter in family law cases
-The complexities of applying Kayden’s Law and related legislation
-How professionals can balance accountability with survivor protection
-The importance of continued education across courts and legal systems

Chapter
00:00 - Meet Nil Buckley
03:32 - Power, control & abuse
06:48 - Inside DV evaluations

Resources from this Episode
safersociety.org/nil-buckley-ma-lpc-lac-dvcs-ncc-acs
www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation.

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Episode Credits
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