Episode 116: The Truth About Aging, Death & Enoughness

“If I am killed, I can die but once;
but to live in constant dread of it,
is to die over and over again.”
— Abraham Lincoln 

Talking on video brought me new clarity,
and I wanted to put it into words here.

If you’re upset about aging, it’s not your psychological problem!

You’ve been a good student of the culture’s teachings.
You learned what we were all taught— that youth is exciting and beautiful, and that aging is something to dread or fix.

If you’re not happy about aging, it’s not because something’s wrong with you— you’ve simply absorbed what the culture taught:
that youth is to be worshiped and age quietly feared.

Want to change things for the next generation of girls?
(Boys have different issues.)

We’re told that once we’re “over the hill,” it’s all downhill.
The point when angst about aging begins varies across groups.
Yet women sometimes have moments when we quietly wonder—is this it, is there still more for me?

But what if we’re dead wrong about aging?

We are aging at every moment; we don’t become old at a moment in time.
When we spoke of growing, it was good.
But when we say aging, it’s bad.
We celebrate every birthday of a child, yet begin to hide our age when judgment begins—inside or outside.
How is growing different for you than aging?

We can change things for the next generation.

Do you see that you are empowered to give this to them?
Do you wish for all kids to see that both life and death are part of the different seasons of being alive—
and that thinking of one age as better than another
is the trap of good and bad that blocks our growth
into simply becoming and completing our thumbprint?

Girls need more access to this truth.

Do you like thinking of yourself as a bestower of that wisdom to the next generation?
We have significance.
And when we insist on seeing ourselves as insignificant or not enough,
we become energetic teachers of that false story—to our peers and those behind us.

There is no such thing as age-defying.
Unless you have an untimely death, you will age.
Death and aging are not failures.

A seventeen-year-old friend recently said to me,
“Well, I’m not aging now—but in twenty years I will be.”

She was using a different definition of aging—
one that begins only when youth starts to fade,
when we no longer look or feel young.

I want to update the definition of aging.
Would you join me in taking the first step—
to start naming aging as something that includes everyone, from birth onward?

Can you imagine the change we might see
if we began redefining aging in this way—
not as decline,
but as the natural continuum of life itself?

What if we began telling children—when they want to be bigger—
“Yes, you will get to age and be five, or eight, or eighteen.”

We are all aging from the moment we are born.
This moment is the youngest we will ever be.

The older you get, the more you’ve lived,
and the more wisdom you’ll have to share.

If we start now—
with this awareness,
with this kind of language—
we change the story for ourselves as we say it,
and for those coming up behind us,
and those living now.

Please listen to Jane Goodall in the link below,
talking to us posthumously,
and notice how comfortable she is in her skin.
Isn’t that what we all want?

It’s not youth we really want, is it?
We’re longing to know we are enough—
just as we are—
living our own thumbprint.

When we dread death, are we really dreading not having lived?

So let’s redefine aging for what it really is:
the process of living—
a continuum, more than an “over the hill” moment.

If we value and respect ourselves—without the would’ve, should’ve, could’ves—
then we get to claim our power.

Here’s the secret: within that acceptance lies a quiet satisfaction with our lives,
instead of a restless wish for more.
(When we stop fighting what is or what has been, the suffering ends.)

When we hike, reaching the summit and coming down
are both part of success.

The handprint you’ve left in this life—
every caution, every act of care, every joy, every attempt—
is enough.

Why?
Because that is how it played out this time,
from the thumbprint of the life you’ve been given so far.

Or tapping into Presence, what do you currently desire?

Maybe our purpose isn’t to be more,
or to do something extraordinary,
but to grow comfortable with who we’ve been,
connect deeply with others now,
and complete our stay with presence and self-respect.

Jane Goodall said it best:
We all make a difference to those we touch.
There is no such thing as mattering more—or less.

Watch Jane Goodall’s final words on Netflix HERE.