My Husband Treats Me Like a Housekeeper - A Zen Priest's Surprising Answer"

"My Husband Treats Me Like a Housekeeper - A Zen Priest's Surprising Answer

A woman writes: ""Married 15 years. My husband is silent, exhausted, barely talks to me. When I say 'welcome home,' he just says 'yeah.' He treats me like a housekeeper. I asked him when we became so formal with each other. He said 'it's normal.' I cried alone that night. Will I spend the next decade like this?""

Here's what a Zen priest has to say about marriage, relationships, and finding happiness.

🗣️ The Lost Art of Communication:
We've lost the ability to communicate well - with each other AND with ourselves. We're not completely honest or in touch with:
• Our own feelings and thoughts
• The roots of those feelings
• What's really happening beneath others' surface responses

💼 Look Beneath the Surface:
Your husband says ""yeah"" and seems absent. But what's REALLY happening?
• Maybe work is exhausting and nobody appreciates him there either
• Maybe he's carrying burdens you don't see
• Maybe there's something deeper causing this withdrawal

Put yourself in his shoes. There's probably something deeper under the surface that deserves your empathy.

💔 The Fading Magic:
You're not alone. Many couples report losing the romance, the spark. It's easy to get caught in the routine of daily life and lose that original connection.

First it's new and exciting. Then time passes and you're just ""turning the gears around.""

🔄 Find New Meaning:
That was then. What about now? Can you find another place to connect beyond what originally attracted you?

The question isn't ""how do we get back what we had?"" It's ""what new connection can we discover now?""

🪞 The Most Important Work - Looking at Yourself:

1. *Your Expectations Are YOURS*
Don't put your expectations on others. Investigate your own mind first.

2. *What Do You REALLY Want?*
Get clear on your ideal outcome. What's your truth?

3. *Don't Look for Fulfillment from Others*
Your happiness is NOT reliant on your husband being a certain way. Your happiness comes from YOU and how you react to life's circumstances.

You can choose to be happy no matter what. You don't have to enjoy difficult circumstances, but you don't have to be a prisoner of them either.

4. *Are YOU Showing Up?*
Are you being the person you want to be? Are you embodying what you're asking for?

💬 How to Communicate (The Hardest Part):

Not: ""You need to change!""
But: ""This is my truth. This is what's real and alive for me. I would appreciate if you could accept that.""

Or: ""This is important to me. I'd like to investigate this together as a couple. Would you join me in this?""

⚠️ The Hard Truth:
It takes two to tango. Your husband needs to be willing too.

Let him know it's important to you. But also be open to the possibility that he might not be willing. And there's nothing you can do about that.

Then you have to decide your next steps.

💍 Marriage is a Promise:
Just like a monk promises to give their life to Buddhism, you promised to share a life with another human being.

Some monks stop being monks. Some people end their marriages. And that's okay too.

What's important is that you're connected to what's true to YOU. Not acting out of spite, but doing what needs doing.

🎯 The Bottom Line:
When you can be yourself authentically and freely, you have that much more capability to love yourself and love others - whether romantically or not.

Your fulfillment comes from within, not from anyone else.

💭 Have you experienced this in your relationship? How did you handle it? Share in the comments.

#Marriage #Relationships #ZenWisdom #Buddhism #MarriageAdvice #Communication #Happiness #SelfLove #Authenticity #RelationshipAdvice #Mindfulness #InnerPeace #CoupleTherapy"