The Midlife Friendship Crisis Adult Mean Girls, Attachment Styles & Fading Friendships After 40

Is it just me, or have friendships gotten harder in your 40s? In this episode, Chrissi and Sarah unpack the highs and heartbreaks of midlife friendship — from the women who never outgrew mean-girl behavior to the quiet ache of friendships that fade.
Joining the conversation is Dr. Noëlle Santorelli, clinical psychologist and Emory School of Medicine faculty member, who weighs in on the ultimate adult mean girl conundrum — why some friend groups still mirror middle school dynamics and how to spot the red flags early.
💬 It’s a raw, funny, and deeply relatable look at how attachment styles, emotional boundaries, and self-worth shape our adult connections.

⏰ Episode Breakdown
(0:00) 🔥 Life updates: physics and a blowtorch
(7:00) 🕸️ “It’s Complicated” — When Adult Friendships Get Weird
Why maintaining friendships after 40 feels harder than ever.
(9:00) 💔 Why Friendships Fade (Even When Nothing “Happened”)
The shift from deep bonds to “update friendships” — and how to revive connection thanks to great advice from Logan Ury.
(14:00) 🫥 When we have felt lonely in friendship
(18:00) 💅 Were we ever accidental Mean Girls?
(19:30) 🌵 The fading friendship of midlife + what to do about it
(26:00) 🦟 The hilarious accidental text to illustrate a point
(27:30) 🥺 Listener conundrum number 1
(29:15) 🌱 The 11-3-6 Rule of Friendship
(34:00) 📖 Why Anne of Green Gables gave us unrealistic expectations of friendship
(36:00) 🧩 Attachment Styles in Friendships
How anxious, avoidant, and secure types shape our friendships (and drama).
(43:45) 🪺 The importance of having multiple friendship sources
(45:15) Adult Mean Girls: Even Taylor Swift deals with it on “Actually Romantic”
(47:15) 🕸️ The Found at 40 Listener Friendship Mean Girl Web
(52:00) 🎙️ Expert Insight: Dr. Noëlle Santorelli on the Mean Girl Cycle
The four-part “love bomb → exclude → discard → hoover” pattern that fuels friendship toxicity.
(1:03:00) 🌱 Healing & Growth After Friendship Fallout
Rebuilding your circle — and your confidence — with emotional clarity and compassion.
Find Dr. Noëlle Santorelli on Instagram at @drnoellesantorelli or on her website at drnoellesantorelli.com
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📱 Check out @foundat40podcast on Instagram for extras, outtakes, and mild oversharing
🎙️ Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify

💫 Keywords: midlife friendship, adult mean girls, fading friendships, attachment styles, friendship problems after 40, women’s relationships, friendship ghosting, emotional boundaries, toxic friendships, Dr. Noëlle Santorelli, adult friendship drama, friendship anxiety, midlife self-growth, rebuilding connections, modern friendship challenges, friendship breakups, female friendship dynamics, women’s emotional health, friendship psychology, adult female relationships