“The Colonoscopy Prep” — A Night That Clears More Than Your Schedule 🎶

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🎶 The Colonoscopy Prep 🎶

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Lyrics:
[Intro]
They don’t tell you the procedure’s the easy part…
They warn you about the night before.
And then they hand you the jug.

[Verse 1]
Doctor said, “Drink it slow, take your time,”
Gallon of mystery, neon and brine.
Smelled like regret, tasted like fear,
I said goodbye to dignity about half past here.
By glass number two, I was sayin’ my prayers,
By glass number four, I was rearrangin’ chairs.

[Chorus]
Oh, the prep is the problem, the prep is the pain,
That juice hits fast like a runaway train.
I didn’t sleep, didn’t sit, didn’t stray,
Just made a lifelong bond with the bathroom that day.
They call it “prep,” but I respectfully beg—
Call it “the night your insides file a complaint.”

[Verse 2]
Phone charged up, magazine stack,
Knew every tile by the small of my back.
Thought I was done—shouldn’t have blinked,
‘Cause round two showed up just when I thought.
I waved at the dog, said, “Don’t wait up,”
If I left the room, I was rollin’ my luck.

[Chorus]
Yeah, the prep is the problem, don’t sugarcoat truth,
That stuff cleans you out down to childhood youth.
I lost five pounds and my sense of time,
Learned a man can sprint at sixty-nine.
By sunrise I was empty, humble, and weak,
Ready for cameras… emotionally beat.

[Verse 3]
Read the label twice, missed one line,
“Stay near a bathroom”—now I see why.
I named that jug, we bonded real quick,
Shared a long night playin’ who’s-gonna-blink.
Every step was a calculated move,
Like defusin’ a bomb in my house shoes.

[Chorus]
Oh, the prep is the problem, the long dark test,
Where confidence leaves and fear does the rest.
You swear it’s over, you dare to believe,
Then your gut taps your shoulder and says, “Not me.”
By morning light, I raised my hand,
Said, “Doc, I’m empty—please understand.”

[Outro]
So when they say, “The procedure’s quick,”
Believe ‘em.
It’s the night before…
That earns the story.