'Why Can’t You Just…?' How Internalized Ableism Fuels Neurodivergent Self-Blame

Ever been asked, “Why can’t you just…?” – stay still, be normal, try harder, fit in? If you’re autistic or an ADHDer, you’ve probably heard it more times than you can count. And worse, maybe you’ve started asking yourself the same question. This is how internalized ableism takes root. We measure ourselves against neurotypical standards, come up short, and blame ourselves for struggling in a world that wasn’t built for our neurotype. That self-doubt, that relentless inner critic – it’s not a personal failing. It’s survival in a society that demands we mask, conform, and perform just to be accepted. But what if we flipped the script? What if, instead of asking, “Why can’t I?” we started asking, “Why should I have to?”

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