Affairs & Trust: Why Infidelity Happens & What Comes After | With Juliet Rosenfeld & Kate Moyle

Welcome back to Sex Tells, in this episode host Lucy Frank is joined by renowned psychoanalyst Juliet Rosenfeld (author of the book “Affairs”) and experienced therapist Psychosexual and Relationship Kate Moyle to explore why affairs happen, looking beyond simplistic narratives of betrayal to examine the emotional, psychological, and societal factors that can drive people outside their primary relationships.

Why do affairs occur, even in relationships that appear loving or stable? Lucy, Juliet, and Kate explore how unmet emotional needs, desire for novelty, changes in identity, and struggles with self-esteem can all play a role. They also examine how cultural expectations around monogamy, romance, and success in relationships can create pressure, silence, and shame, making it harder for individuals to openly address dissatisfaction before it manifests as infidelity.

What impact do affairs have on trust, intimacy, and communication within a relationship? The episode delves into the rupture that betrayal can cause, often forcing couples to confront painful truths about themselves and each other. Juliet and Kate discuss how the aftermath of an affair can bring intense emotions while also opening up difficult but necessary conversations about boundaries, needs, and expectations.

How do changing social norms influence the way we think about fidelity and commitment? The episode explores the evolving landscape of modern relationships, including shifting attitudes toward monogamy, open relationships, and ethical non-monogamy. Lucy, Juliet, and Kate make a clear distinction between secretive affairs and consensual non-monogamy, emphasising that honesty, transparency, and mutual agreement are central to relational health, regardless of relationship structure.

Is healing possible after an affair, and what does rebuilding look like? Drawing on therapeutic insight and real-life examples, Juliet and Kate discuss the slow and often non-linear process of repair. They highlight the importance of accountability, open dialogue, and emotional safety, while also acknowledging that for some individuals and couples, an affair can become a catalyst for deeper self-understanding, growth, and renegotiation of the relationship.

This episode offers guidance for those navigating the pain of infidelity, as well as for listeners seeking to better understand their own desires, values, and boundaries. It invites us to move away from judgment and toward curiosity, compassion, and reflection when it comes to love, commitment, and connection.

So, as you reflect on this episode, ask yourself: How open are you (both with yourself and others) about your needs, boundaries, and desires, and what conversations might be waiting to be had before silence turns into rupture?

Timestamps:
00:00:00 Monogamy in Crisis and Relationship Shifts After Affairs
00:02:13 Defining Affairs and Broken Agreements
00:05:09 Motivations and Psychological Roots of Affairs
00:07:28 Self-Discovery and Fantasy in Affairs
00:10:47 Perpetrator, Victim, and Relationship Dynamics
00:13:07 Disclosure, Repair, and the Aftermath
00:15:38 Barriers to Healing and the Role of Forgiveness
00:17:01 Factors Influencing Healing After an Affair
00:20:30 Sexual Dynamics Post-Affair
00:24:26 Monogamy, Relationship Longevity, and Societal Change
00:28:50 Ethical Non-Monogamy and Open Relationships
00:33:18 Advice for Discovering a Partner’s Affair
00:34:17 Red Flags, Trust, and Relationship Instincts
00:38:25 The Lasting Impact of Betrayed Trust
00:39:30 Closing Thoughts on Trust and Repair

Connect & Learn More

Learn More
Explore Lucy’s therapy services, retreats, workshops, and resources: https://theyxologist.co.uk

Stay Social
Follow for updates, insights, and behind-the-scenes perspectives:
Instagram:   / theyxologist   @theyxologist

Get in Touch
For session bookings, media enquiries, and collaborations:
Email: info@theyxologist.co.uk
Contact Form: https://theyxologist.co.uk/contact/

Work With Lucy
Lucy provides tailored psychosexual and relationship therapy, both online and in person, in Central, East, South West London, and Brighton. She also leads retreats and workshops on intimacy, desire, and navigating life changes like childlessness, infidelity, illness, and shifting relationship dynamics.

Find out more and book via the contact page:
https://theyxologist.co.uk/contact/