Oneirophobia // Yi Xi [CoF]

HI HI HI !! omg i'm so excited about this upload considering it's the last character-based song i'm going to post for CoF!! i'm debating on whether or not i want to write a little epilogue song about the characters' lives after the events of the song series, but it feels SO GOOD to have the bulk of this creative project completed!!!!

depending on reception i might end up doing another couple of things with the characters and stories, but for now, i'm planning on moving on and taking on other creative projects :D thank u all for all ur support, it meant the world to me to have so many ppl care abt my silly little song series vhshehehehe!!!

the character in this song is named Jackie, and you can learn more about her on her toyhouse page!! I will say, her story and character heavily center around the topics of suicide, so please be careful if you believe this might be triggering for you
[ https://toyhou.se/27809566.jackelynn-... ]

aside from that... here's my carrd with all my info and links!! trhank u so much for supporting me and my content :3
[ https://camovocaaa.carrd.co/ ]

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[Lyrics]
too smart for my own age
i have a lot of niche tastes
too lonely for my own good
not worth being misunderstood

too callous to be friendly
offputting and unworthy
i want to be more likeable but it would
only hurt me

i have to ask myself if it even matters
if finding love that doesn't hurt is worth the tatters

i have to ask myself if i'm even worth it
if it counts as abuse if i really deserved it

so i have to do what's right, does that make me too weak?
oh can they really see?
i'm useless and cowardly

if i have to right my wrongs, then it's too much to fix
just spit it out and admit
you secretly enjoyed it

block it away
don't talk about it today
my dirty secrets
oh what would they ever say?

getting closure
come a little closer
whispers desecrate
all that i thought was kept safe

behind every mirror
it's a little clearer
my filthy desires
tugging on crossed wires

so clear, yet so dirty
it's not gonna kill me
ensuring my own demise i'm
a slave to my own lies

don't know what to do
say i'm blind to
my scarlet letter

but is that the truth?
my evil, it knows no excuse

enabling me
won't make me feel
any better

close the chapter
live a happy ever after

too smart to be exploited
it makes me feel unwanted
too sick for what's acceptable
not enough to be a spectacle

the affection i'm craving
the numbing and the breaking
enough to be useful
but not enough to be worth saving

i have to tell myself it's all inconsequential
that there's no point in crying over missed potential

i must remind myself i was never in control
or else the guilt will be too much to ever console

i should've done what was right
but i was too afraid
oh all i have betrayed
i'm crushed under all the weight

i just want to feel alive,
sensation that i've missed
i swear i tried to resist
but what if i enjoyed it?

lock me away
to never see the light of day
crimes against nature
perverting my shades of grey

getting faster
spit on greener pastures
need more punishment
to deem my purge sufficient

behind every mirror
it's a little clearer
my filthy desires
tugging on crossed wires

so clear, yet so dirty
it's not gonna kill me
ensuring my own demise i'm
a slave to my own lies

don't know what to do
say i'm blind to
my scarlet letter

but is that the truth?
my evil, it knows no excuse

enabling me
won't make me feel
any better

close the chapter
live a happy ever after

blinded by reality
its many brutalities
leaving me so haunted
this isn't what you wanted?

so muddy and filthy
and it almost killed me
surviving my own demise
what it took to open my eyes

gone past the abyss
lifting the mist
boiling over

living in the grief
you shouldn't have had to save me

reaching out your hand
to understand
a two-faced clover

close the chapter
no such thing as ever after

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MP3: https://drive.google.com/drive/folder...

Inst: https://drive.google.com/drive/folder...

SVP: https://drive.google.com/drive/folder...

Vocal midi: https://drive.google.com/drive/folder...