HARMONIC ATHEIST - Jennifer Fernandez: "Leaving Christianity was a long and painful process."

Today I spoke with Jennifer Fernandez, who shared her story growing up in a conservative, fundamentalist Christian environment before going through the long and painful process of deconstructing and leaving Christianity.

Throughout the interview, we touched on:

• Enduring the personal oppressive holiness culture of Calvary Chapel.
• Saying the "sinners prayer" repeatedly to be sure she was saved.
• Fear of being "left behind" if the Rapture occurred and she was not saved.
• Fear over demonic influences.
• The dynamics of Christian homeschooling, including sheltering and protecting kids from worldly ideas, especially evolution.
• How living in an area where most everyone is a Christian makes it easier to ignore the moral problems of the god character allowing others to burn in hell forever.
• Constantly second guessing ourselves as Christians.
• Shame and guilt over struggling to "remain pure."
• Being exposed to the cultish teachings of Bill Gothard.
• The mentality behind the quiverfull movement and the desire to "outbreed the pagans."
• The pressure to speak in tongues.
• How Christian authority figures create security, while at the same time instilling a fear of listening to anyone else.
• Guilt over not going to church anymore, and the anxiety and shame over leaving the faith.
• Fear over the early steps of deconstruction and where the hard questions might be leading.
• No longer believing that a loving god could send people to burn in hell for all eternity.
• Going through deconstruction in isolation, without any support or other people to talk to about it.
• Dealing with the issue of homosexuality as a conservative evangelical Christian.
• Beginning to question the Bible's inerrancy.
• How the Bible's message is unclear and confusing.
• Realizing the neurological dynamics happening inside the brains of religious believers.
• How deconverting can shake us up as we realize the implications, but also frees us and gives us peace.
• The identity crisis that deconversion presents to us, as we realize that our identity was caught up in a pretend god and our focus was wrapped up in a mythological worldview.
• The role of good therapy in healing from religious trauma and reclaiming our identity after deconversion.
• Adjusting to realizing there's probably no afterlife.

Thanks to Jennifer for sharing her story, and for the many insights she has been sharing with the community, especially regarding deconversion, purity culture, Christian homeschooling, and deconstructing while being focused on motherhood and family. You are a huge encouragement, Jennifer!

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