Tried Couples Therapy and It Failed? Here’s Why (& What to Do Differently)

Why does couples therapy sometimes fail?

In this episode, we unpack the biggest myths that keep couples from getting the help they need and explain what actually makes therapy work. If you’ve ever left a counseling session feeling like it didn’t help, this conversation will show you why that doesn’t mean your marriage is beyond repair.

We unpack four common myths: that all couples therapy is the same, that the therapist’s job is to be a referee, that some problems are simply too big to fix, and that therapy is about changing your spouse. Along the way, we explain why specialized training matters, how Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) addresses the real cycle between partners, and why the right level of intervention can make the difference between frustration and breakthrough.

Finally, we share how to better vet a therapist, ask the right questions, and set realistic expectations for your journey. Marriage counseling is hard work, but when it’s grounded in research-based methods and self-reflection, it can lead to real change and lasting connection.
 
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EPISODE TIMESTAMPS:
 
00:00 - Intro
00:44 – Myth 1: All couples therapy is the same
01:05 – Why specialized training matters in couples counseling
02:56 – Family doctor vs heart surgeon analogy
04:08 – When therapy failure may be about the therapist, not your marriage
04:25 – Pastoral counseling strengths and limits
05:43 – Myth 2: The therapist is a referee
06:40 – How EFT unites couples against the cycle, not each other
07:56 – Why fights feel the same no matter the topic
08:36 – Myth 3: Some problems are too big to fix
09:00 – Addiction, trauma, and finding the right intervention level
11:11 – How many sessions it really takes for change
13:18 – Hidden factors that can derail therapy (affairs, addictions, trauma)
14:20 – Myth 4: Therapy is about changing your spouse
15:45 – Why self-reflection is key to breaking cycles
17:08 – Why couples therapy is hard work but worth it
18:27 – Facing your own “junk” for therapy to work
18:34 – How to vet a therapist and ask the right questions
19:14 – Why a healthy therapist welcomes vetting
 
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