Common Ground Conversations | Ep 28: How To Speak Up Without Losing Yourself

It’s a few days before Christmas, and Dr. JoNeil Conley and Dr. Bonnie Nussbaum sit down for a real-life conversation about one of the hardest parts of the holidays (and honestly… life): navigating people. Family. Co-workers. Church groups. Community spaces. Anyone who can push a button.

This episode explores the tension between keeping the peace and maintaining personal integrity—especially when harmful comments, power dynamics, or long-standing patterns show up. You’ll leave with practical ways to pause, regulate, choose your response, and decide when it’s worth engaging (and when it’s not).

What We Cover:
-Why the holidays can feel like a never-ending churn of “people-ing”
-The “erosion” in our collective ability to disagree with kindness and respect
-The difference between reaction and response (and why it matters)
-A timely discussion on Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” theory + the backlash around “peace at any cost”
-The real-life dilemma: personal peace vs. ethical responsibility
-“Uncle Albert” dynamics: the person who provokes (on purpose or by accident) — and why you likely won’t change them
-Amygdala hijack: what happens in your brain/body when you get triggered (and why it happens fast)
-The value of “buying time”: bathroom breaks, dog walks, stepping outside, grabbing the mashed potatoes
-How to discern when you need to say something—especially when silence could feel like approval

A simple boundary phrase for heated situations:
“I heartily disagree. We’re not going to change each other’s minds. Let’s shift topics.”
-The hidden cost of “going along to get along” (your body doesn’t like feeling sold out)
-Practical follow-up language when you think of the “right thing” later:
“Let me get back to you on that.” / “What I really wanted to say was…”

Key Takeaways:
-Do the mental math: What will it cost you to engage? What will it cost you not to?
-You can’t think your way out of activation—you have to tool your way out.
-Taking the pause is almost never regretted. Spewing usually is.
-Integrity doesn’t always mean calling it out publicly. Sometimes it means choosing the right time, place, and method.
-Build awareness of your soft spots—your tender places—so you can respond with intention.

Try This:
-Before your next gathering, meeting, or tough conversation, ask yourself:
-What topics/phrases trigger my “soft spots”?
-What will help me regulate quickly if I feel activated? (breath, feet on the floor, stepping away)
-When I walk away, what would I need to have done to feel in integrity?

Mentioned in This Episode
-Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” theory (and the debate around “peace at any cost”)
-Nervous system regulation tools (pause, breath, grounding, tapping, stepping away)


Stay Connected / Work With Us
Connect with Bonnie:
YouTube: @bonnienussbaum8048
Facebook: Dr. Bonnie Nussbaum, Empowerment Coaching
Instagram: @empowermentandpurpose
LinkedIn: Dr. Bonnie Nussbaum
empowermentandpurpose.com
Book a FREE Discovery Call: https://drbonnienussbaum.as.me/schedu...[]=9198914

Connect with JoNeil:
YouTube: @joneilconley8132
TikTok: @joneilsmithconley
Facebook: Dr. JoNeil
Instagram: @drjoneil
drjoneil.com
Book a FREE Overwhelm Recovery Call:
https://calendly.com/drjoneil/overwhe...