𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠 - 𝑻𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒔 🤍

"𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧'𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐠𝐨."

A 5th of January of 2016. It was a simple trip to an Amusement park in San diego who was the reason for my deeply conection with ceteceans. I remember i didn't want to be there, but all those thoughts ended when i saw it. A couple of meteres away, a viewing window with a white and black creature that i didn't knew existed. I ran as fast as i could just to get close to it. In the window on the other side a little animal who I later learn was nothing more like Amaya, looked me into the eyes with so much curiosity. She began playing with me, she went up to grab water, go down again, look at my eyes, and repited that. She even starter doing silly noises I've never thought i would hear. The day later after that, i entered Wikipedia looking for info for the mighty 'Blackfish' i just saw.

That experience i just narate you was 10 years ago. A decade ago i fell in love with orcas, and i loved my first ever cetecean, little night rain.

I rarely edit her cause whenever i do i can't stop but cry remembering that Fateful day she left us on the 19th of August, 2021.

I had just came back from school, for some reason i felt tired the whole day, and like something was missing. I remember seeing a post made by SeaWorld with a picture of her when she was just a small yellow bean. I didn't thought much of it, however i then remember the orca encounter got cancelled. Thats when i worried. I entered the post just to see a caption with words i never thought would be alongside her, atlest not so soon. My eyes began tearing up not even half way through it. Everything felt blurry and empty. My soul felt like i had just been stab.

I couldn't believe it, so i lied. I forced myself to belive she was just with Kalia in the underwater viewing interacting. Maybe with makani in the sprayers. Maybe baiting birds. Maybe all i had read was just a mear late april fools, but deep down i truly knew that she sadly wasn't there, and even know that wound feels like it was yesterday.

The reason i don't really like the SWSD pod is cuz whenever a trainer talks about them they mention their '8 whales'. And i hate it. I hate how she never got part of the pod older. I hate how we celebrate her bday using 'heavenly' in it. I hate how she left me so sudden.

A couple of days back i decided to finally watch my maya footages in my digital camera. And yes, i ofc was balling my eyes out, i felt this feeling of knowing that i was ready for letting go of her. This doesn't mean i dont still miss her, i truly do every single minute it goes by without her. I miss her ethereal eyes, her silly personality, her gorgeous flukes. I miss it. But nearly 5 years since the day she left, i have learn to accept that amaya is better in heaven now. And it hurted at first, but know it doesn't. I thought the lies were gonna prevenr it to sting more, but they caused more damage than prevent it.

Honestly, grief never goes away, even after letting go. It simply gets easier, and sometimes you might carry the same pain yout whole life without even realizing it.

𝒗𝒄:
Kaliaorcatrainer
J31 oceans
Shamu Aquatics
CetusCetus
Sea world San diego
orcinus footages
Kiryuu238
ForeverShoukaFootages
Echobeluga
Let me know if forgot someone :)