Why Firefighters Can’t Just Turn It Off at Home

Firefighters are often told to leave the job at work. But the truth is, that is not how this life works.

In this episode, Chelsi sits down with Scott Hewlett of Multiple Calls to talk about firefighter identity, emotional regulation, and why asking firefighters to “turn it off” at home creates disconnection, resentment, and unrealistic expectations in relationships.

Scott explains why the fire service is not just a job but an extension of who many firefighters already are, and how suppressing that identity at home can quietly damage marriages and family life. They talk about emotional buildup, the pressure to stay regulated at all times, and why learning to downregulate is just as important as knowing how to perform on the job.

This conversation also covers fairness in modern firefighter families, the danger of keeping score, and how couples can move away from rigid roles and toward genuine partnership. Chelsi and Scott explore mental health, capacity, and what it looks like to show up honestly at home without being asked to erase part of yourself.

This episode is for firefighter families who are tired of pretending work and home are separate worlds and want a more realistic, sustainable way to live and love inside this career.