Mr. Hankey Teaches His Son About the Cycle of Poo - SOUTH PARK

Cornwalis doesn't feel like he's a part of Christmas because he's just a piece of crap. Mr. Hankey teaches him that everyone on earth poos the same way.
"A Very Crappy Christmas" S04

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EXT. MR. HANKEY'S HOUSE - DAY
Establishing.
INT. CORNWALLIS' ROOM - MR. HANKEY'S HOUSE - DAY
Cornwallis is at his desk, looking really sad with his head in his hands.
MR. HANKEY
Cornwallis, we've got to go fix up the Drive-in!
CORNWALLIS
I don't want to, dad. I'm too sad...
MR. HANKEY
Hey, it's alright, Cornwallis, those boys' animated movie will get bring the Spirit of
Christmas back to South Park!
CORNWALLIS
It's not that, father... It's... I don't feel like I'M really a part of Christmas.
MR. HANKEY
But son, you're a Hankey. We LOVE Christmas.
MRS. HANKEY
Come on! It's time to sit around the tree!!
MR. HANKEY
We're having a talk honey.
MRS. HANKEY
God dammit, it's Christmas and we're gonna be a happy family around the tree!!
MR. HANKEY
Autumn, you're drunk. Now just go help the other kids, they can't get their stockings up.
MRS. HANKEY
(Walking away)
That's not the only thing that can't get up around here.
MR. HANKEY
Now come on, son, don't be so down.
CORNWALLIS
Why? We're just pieces of crap. Christmas isn't for us.
MR. HANKEY
Christmas is about feeling good, About singing, dancing and laughing. That's for
everybody.
CORNWALLIS
I see the nativity. There's angels, shepherds and sheep ... but no poo. All the
Christmas movies... Santa, Elves, reindeer, no poo. I'm not a part of it.
MR. HANKEY
No, you're not a PART of it, Cornwallis, you are ALL of it. Don't you see?
CORNWALLIS
I'm nothing but crap.
MR. HANKEY
Crap is everything...
(Singing)
Everything that lives on Earth, poos in some way. And that's how the cycle happens
each and every day-
EXT. SOUTH PARK - FARM - DAY
One of the cows takes a shit. Another eats some grass.
MR. HANKEY
Just look at the green, green grass And the birds up in the sky
It's all here because of poo And now I'll tell you why
Grass is eaten by the cattle-
INT. BUTTER'S HOUSE - DAY
MR. HANKEY
Which is eaten by women and men-
Butter's family around a table eating hamburgers.
MR. HANKEY (CONT'D)
It fuses with their bodies And then becomes poo again.
A shot of dad sitting on the toilet.
MR. HANKEY (CONT'D)
Then that poo goes through the sewer-
A shot of sewage pipes and pieces of shit going through it.
MR. HANKEY (CONT'D)
Where it dumped into the sea...
A sewage treatment plant - shit dumps into the ocean.
MR. HANKEY (CONT'D)
and it's eaten by the plankton, that becomes the fish then the meat-
A bigger fish eats that fish, then a bigger fish eats that fish...
MR. HANKEY (CONT'D)
Of bigger and bigger fish with that poo still inside, who swim up near the shore and
get eaten alive -
EXT. MOUNTAINS - RIVER BANK
A grizzly bear catches a large fish in his teeth.
MR. HANKEY
-by a grizzly bears that poo on a dead piece of sand -
The Grizzly bear shits on dead land, green plant life immediately starts to grow on it.
MR. HANKEY (CONT'D)
So that it can spring to life and become food for the land.
EXT. AFRICA LIKE SETTING - DAY
Antelope spring through the woods. Giraffes walk through the tall grass.
Mr. Hankey and Cornwallis are watching as the Giraffes' long legs walk through
frame in the foreground.
One of the giraffes takes a big shit as it walks.
MR. HANKEY
It's the poo of the antelope The poo of the giraffe That falls
onto the Earth And becomes the blades of grass
Gras grows magically from where the giraffes were.
MR. HANKEY (CONT'D)
The grass that's eaten by the cattle Which and comes out the other end
To make food for the humans
So it starts all over again.
Standing on a Lion Kingesque ledge, Surveying the huge, African landscape, where
all kinds of animals are walking and shitting, father and son look out.
MR. HANKEY (CONT'D)
You see, son? You're not an insignificant part of life. You ARE life.
CORNWALLIS
But how can I be that giraffe, and a blade of grass and a human? I don't control
what they do.
MR. HANKEY
Just like your heart beats without you thinking about it... And your lungs breathe
without you thinking about it... So too your giraffes and your humans do what they
do, without you even thinking about it... But it is all one life form. It IS all you.
Cornwallis steps forward, into the sunlight.
CORNWALLIS
I think I see the journey, the cycle of
poo It's the cycle of me and the cycle of you
MR. HANKEY AND CORNWALLIS
The poo of the antelope That decays into the ground
becomes the grass of tomorrow Which the grazers turn around
So we're the legs of the leopards And the wings of the hen
Which becomes dinner for the humans Where its turned back to
poo again That's the cycle... The cycle of poo!!