1984-0507 How to detach yourself from emotions

“The source of joy is your Self, nobody else can give you joy. It’s only your Self!”
Excerpt from a talk by Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi
Place and Date: Paris (France) 1984 May 7th
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Sahaja Yogi: She wants to know how to get detached from her emotions and how to establish purity in ourselves.
Shri Mataji: Emotions. We should not confuse, you see. Emotions are pure, nothing wrong with emotions. But the purity, that question comes in. When the emotions are not spontaneous, are biased, like, because he’s your son you have emotional feelings, because he’s your brother you have emotional feelings, because- Because! Then that’s not pure emotions. So, divine emotions are not attached like the sap of the tree, I always say. The sap of the tree rises, it goes into the whole tree, he doesn’t settle down into one flower or one leaf. If it does that then the whole tree will die and the flower will die. All right? So the emotions that are divine are always absolutely pure. So emotions themselves detach you. If it’s true love you are absolutely detached. Because true love means you love everyone equally, may not be similar, but equally.
Like the tree has different way- things, like it has got leaves, it has got roots, it has got flowers, it has got fruits. So whatever is needed for whatever part is given with the equal attention. That’s how the true love should be, that’s how the rue emotions should be. So, how to detach is best is to try to do equally to everyone. Like now, somebody is your husband, the relationship is different but give equal attention to your husband as much as to your own child. Equal attention to other Sahaja Yogis as much as to your own Mother. This is how you’ll touch it. But, you see, somebody, say, romanticism now, it’s ego, nonsense, ego it is. Romanticism is nothing but simple ego. It has nothing to do with emotions I tell you. It is ego because you start thinking you are the – what is, you are the Juliet. All right, I ‘m now the Juliet. So somebody has become the Romeo. [Inaudible] Now you are a Juliet so he must be like Romeo? If he doesn’t like, behave like Romeo then you feel hurt. So your romanticism is finished then you start crying: “Why doesn’t he behave like Romeo?” Neither you are Juliet nor he is Romeo. Both are imaginations of your ego. And then your ego feels hurt, then you feel very unhappy about it. So, some women, if the husband doesn’t- you see, they will go on: “Stand up, sit down. Stand up, sit down!” The husband gets, you see, confused. When she says: “Stand up!” he sits down. So she gets angry: “What do you mean? You have no sense, you are not fair to me.” Same thing could happen to the man, same could happen with the husband.
So the equal attention to every relationship in its full nurturing of that relationship is complete emotions, the true divine emotions, that’s what I have for all of you. Everyone is in my mind and everyone I nurture with full attention.
All right?
And also you must know one thing very clearly which I know that the source of joy is your Self, nobody else can give you joy. It’s only your Self! That your wife should give you the joy, your husband should give you the joy, your children should give you the joy, is wrong expectation. They can never! Because source is here [Shri Mataji shows her heart], you see? If the lamp is supposed to give us the light, we don’t expect light from the leaves. But that’s what it is. It is a misconception. Joy can never come from others it comes from within yourself and the Self which is God. So only from God and from your Self you can have joy, not from anybody else. When they are Realized souls, then also you feel their joy because you can get it from their Self. Only from the Self you can get the joy and not from intellect.
It’s a conditioning of the mind. I mean, you see, here everything is so judgement I see the people and I talk to men and woman, you see, and I am really amazed how artificial they have become about even emotional behaviour towards each other. Very artificial, just like, you see, French will put the fork like this, English will put like this. Now, in a French company, if you put it like this, they’ll laugh at you. If it is an English company, if you put it like this, they’ll laugh at you. These norms they themselves have made, bound themselves with these norms, in the same way, romanticism is. All of these norms have been made by human beings and they are bound by it and they make themselves miserable.
You are free people you are not bound by any norms.