Back where I Rot

Lyrics:

I said I was better.
I lied to your face.
Same room, same ceiling,
same decay.

I’m reverting, yeah, I felt it when the silence came back
Same thoughts pacing circles like a knife in my bag
I don’t cut it out, I let it grow, let it live in my chest
Every promise that I made now is failing the test

I ghost my phone, let it buzz like it’s screaming my name
They say “we’re worried,” I say nothing, that’s part of the game
I rot politely, say I’m tired, say I’m fine, say I’m busy
Truth is I don’t want to be saved, I just want you to miss me

I relapse into habits I swore I’d buried deep
Sleeping days, staring nights, bargaining with sleep
Every mirror feels crooked, every smile feels staged
I’m not healing, I’m just better at hiding the rage

They reach out, I flinch
I don’t know how to stay
If love feels like pressure
I’ll push it away

I’m going back, back to the worst of me
Where the dark feels safe and the hurt feels free
Burn every bridge just to feel control
I don’t want your light, let me rot in the hole

I’m going back, don’t wait, don’t try
I poison the room every time I survive
No happy ending, don’t hold me close
I push you away till I’m alone with the ghost

I sabotage calm like it owes me pain
If things get quiet, I’m clawing for rain
I don’t trust peace, it feels like a trick
Like the ground’s gonna drop if I stand still too quick

I remember who I was when I hated myself
Funny thing is, that felt honest as hell
Now improvement tastes fake, like a costume I wear
So I rip it to shreds just to prove I still care

I delete photos, unfollow friends
If I disappear first, it hurts less when it ends
I’m not asking for help, don’t read this wrong
I just want you to know why I’m gone

I’m going back, back to the disease
Where the thoughts don’t knock, they kick in with keys
Break every bond, every “how you been?”
I’d rather be hated than let anyone in

I’m going back, carve it in stone
I turn love into echoes, texts into bones
No happy ending, don’t save my soul
I chose the fall, now let me go

It’s not that I don’t love you
It’s that love makes me weak
And weakness is something
I can’t afford to keep

I’m going back, don’t follow me
I ruin every “us,” every “we”
If you stay too long, you’ll see the truth
I break everything that tries to choose me

I’m going back, this is my role
Self-fulfilling, self-control
No sunrise scene, no closure note
Just me, my shadows—
and the wreckage I wrote.

Same room.
Same ceiling.
Same decay.


Human-made with assistance through AI
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