Your Partner Isn't the Problem, Your Attachment Is

In this episode, EJ and Tarah interview Thais Gibson, founder of Personal Development School and a leading voice in attachment theory. They unpack how attachment wounds shape your thoughts, emotions, and nervous system responses, and why couples can feel trapped in the same arguments even when they genuinely love each other.

Thais shares her personal story and explains why lasting change happens at the subconscious level, not just through insight. You will learn how core wounds get conditioned over time, how your brain filters your partner’s behavior through old beliefs, and a practical rewiring exercise that helps you build new emotional patterns.

What you will learn
• The difference between subconscious vs unconscious wounds
• The six pillars Thais uses to heal attachment patterns
• Why arguments are rarely about the surface issue
• How core wounds create thoughts, emotions, and actions
• A step by step exercise to rewire a core wound in 21 days
• How to communicate needs vulnerably instead of criticizing
• Why your partner can become your greatest teacher in healing

Timestamps:
00:00 Attachment theory tools to close the relationship gap
00:25 Meet Thais Gibson and why this conversation matters
01:22 Thais’s story, chaos, fearful avoidant, addiction recovery
04:01 Becoming obsessed with the subconscious and rewiring
05:34 Relationship Renovation at Home manual mention
07:13 Why couples repeat patterns and feel helpless
07:56 The work that actually changes patterns long term
08:38 “I thought I was healed” then relationship triggers returned
09:38 Applying change at the subconscious level
10:27 Integrated attachment theory and the six pillars
12:08 Why couples need history and context before “the issue”
14:13 Couples discovery work and building empathy
15:19 The laundry example and subconscious meaning
17:00 Subconscious vs unconscious explained simply
18:48 The rewiring tool starts, core wounds by attachment style
20:27 Why affirmations fail, subconscious speaks emotion and imagery
21:17 The 3 step exercise, 10 memories, record, suggestible state
23:04 21 days vs 63 days, subconscious vs unconscious timing
23:44 Coaching program mention
25:17 How to spot unconscious wounds in daily life
27:07 Reticular activating system, beliefs filter reality
28:39 Beliefs, thoughts, emotions, actions, BTA framework
30:04 How partners can support healing in real time
31:59 Self fulfilling prophecies and changing behavior patterns
34:21 Does it work, program results and transformation
37:40 Thais’s relationship shift, needs pillar, self sourcing
39:55 Interdependence, reducing pressure on the relationship
40:50 Vulnerable communication story in the car
42:38 Criticism is often an unmet need
43:05 Why healing changes your entire view of relationships
45:37 Where to find Thais and the free attachment quiz
47:03 Closing