hurt so bad - original song | again

I've already uploaded this song once - like... what feels like ages ago. But I'm feeling really bad right now (physically and emotionally), so I visited it again and I wanted to have the memory of just how I feel for later.

I didn't actually flim this for the channel. I just... wanted to. So I did. I wanted to sing the way I would with nobody around, with just my emotions leading me. I don't really sing like that in front of people - it's too embarrassing. It's not THAT different, but I can see and hear the difference, so... yeah.

God, this song was the first one that actually made me hesitate. Like, it was the first one I wrote that had a deep meaning AND was kind of like... me crossing a barrier. I wasn't sure writing the last line of the chorus would be okay, but I was so depressed and desperate at the time - I HAD to be truthful to myself.

It hurts that I can still relate to this. Hope you guys don't - but if you do, then it's okay! :)


alone at last
only pictures on the wall
and what I speak, and what I say
is just my way to hide away

I'm selling time
'cause I've got plenty to spare
I'm spacing out - just for a while
and when I'm back I'll fill my files

and who I am, and why so long
are only questions that cannot begone
I'm looking for the answers but don't know when they'll be found
and what I'm meant? what am I for?
should I hang on, or am I allowed to soar?
it hurts so bad to wander here and not know why I'm still around

ahh

so, what now?
I'm staring at flowers grow
and underneath I see a mirror
which just reflects a faceless blur

and who I am, and why so long
are only questions that cannot begone
I'm looking for the answers, but don't know when they'll be found
and what I'm meant? what am I for?
should I hang on, or am I allowed to soar?
it hurts so bad to wander here and not know why I'm still around!

frustrated ooh!

and who I am, and why so long
are only questions that cannot begone
I'm looking for the answers, but don't know when they'll be found
and what I'm meant? what am I for?
should I hang on or am I allowed to soar?
it hurts so bad to wander here and not know why I'm still around...

accepting ahh...


Should I explain the song? I feel like there's no need for me to do that. I kind of want to hear what others think everything means. Though I will just say that the last verse was me describing what I was literally looking at whenever I stopped writing and looked up to think about the next part of the song. There was this... reflective vase in the living room and I could see myself in it, but the image was distorted. It fit my emotions rather well, I'd say :)

Cya!