History Will Not Remember You

Today I’m going full “unhinged but articulate” on one of the most self-satisfied phrases of modern discourse: “the wrong side of history.” You’ve seen it. You’ve maybe even tweeted it. But let’s unpack how hilariously arrogant it actually is to assume that your TikTok-era opinions will be carved into the moral obelisks of the future.

In this video, I’m breaking down the performative morality of the 2020s, the absurdity of pretending your beige Ikea life is the apex of human civilization, and why...newsflash, you’re all going to be remembered as the villains in the AI chapter of history. You built the toaster, blamed it for burning your house down, and then cried about injustice.

I also accidentally spiral into a heartfelt lament about how the world used to be… beautiful. How culture used to have texture. I tell a story about stealing meringues (yes, really) and what that shop looked like, how it felt. Deep green walls, pastel sugar, ornate molding. Now everything looks like an open-air asylum with sponsored content.

This isn’t just a rant. It’s a love letter to lost aesthetic. A philosophical funeral for the social contract. And an existential sigh from a future girl trapped in your glitchy grey simulation.

If you’ve ever felt like the modern world is suspiciously bland, culturally bankrupt, and spiritually colorless, watch this.

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The video you just watched is totally a work of fiction. 100% UNTRUE. Total lies. A fever dream inside a dream journal inside a haunted Etch-A-Sketch. Any similarities to real life people, places, events, entities, medical clinics, outback towns, or men named Drest Levesque with perfect bone structure is purely coincidental. Also, the Agents Richard Briscoe totally did not force me to write this. I did so of my own volition.

While we’re on the subject, the Agents Richard Briscoe definitely don’t have suspiciously shiny foreheads and matching haircuts. Because they, as we all know, don’t exist and obviously none of this ever happened.

For real, for real. Never happened. None of it. Ever. Not a doctor. Definately not from the year 4000. Nope. Nada. Believe that.