How to Cope with an Avoidant Partner

When your partner needs space and you need closeness, it can feel like emotional whiplash. One moment you’re reaching out and the next, they’re pulling away. Sound familiar? You’re not alone. Try the Paired App for free today https://paired.go.link/iBpZW

Avoidant partners aren’t cold or unloving. They’re coping. When emotions run high, they withdraw to feel safe. But that leaves you feeling rejected, anxious, and alone. In this video, Aly, licensed marriage and family therapist and Head of Relationships at Paired, breaks down why avoidant behavior happens and exactly how to build a stronger, more secure bond without chasing or shutting down.

If you’ve ever wondered how to stay connected to a partner who needs distance, these 5 therapist-backed strategies will help you rebuild trust, safety, and closeness, together.

💡 In this video, you’ll learn:
🟣 Why avoidant partners pull away (and what’s really going on underneath)
🟣 How to stop taking distance personally
🟣 The exact words to use when you’re feeling shut out
🟣 How to set healthy “reconnection plans” after conflict
🟣 Grounding tools to calm your anxiety while they cool off
🟣 The small daily rituals that rebuild intimacy over time

📚 Video Chapters
00:00 Understanding Your Avoidant Partner
00:11 The Dynamics of Avoidance
00:36 Navigating the Avoidant Dynamic
00:48 Meet Your Therapist, Aly
00:58 Defining Avoidance
01:18 The Nervous System Response
01:29 The Impact of Avoidance
02:05 Coping Strategies Overview
02:10 Technique 1: Don't Take It Personally
03:19 Technique 2: Communicate Without Blame
04:36 Technique 3: Agree on Reconnection Plans
06:07 Technique 4: Learn to Self-Soothe
06:37 Box Breathing Exercise
07:47 Technique 5: Small, Consistent Bids for Attention
08:56 Using Code Words
09:22 Recap of Techniques
10:06 Emotional Safety and Deeper Connection
10:22 Closing and Further Resources

🧠 Quick Takeaways (save this part):
1️⃣ Avoidance isn’t rejection — it’s a coping mechanism.
2️⃣ Ditch “you never” and “you always.” Start with “I feel” and “I need.”
3️⃣ Always agree on a reconnection plan after taking space.
4️⃣ Calm your nervous system before you reconnect.
5️⃣ Small daily moments of connection build lasting emotional safety.

💬 Your Next Step:
If this video resonated, it’s time to take what you’ve learned and turn it into action. The Paired app helps couples build emotional safety and closeness with expert-backed check-ins, guided conversations, and daily connection tools that fit real life. Try it free today → https://paired.go.link/iBpZW

✨ Join the Conversation:
What’s been your biggest challenge when your partner pulls away, the silence, the uncertainty, or the waiting? Drop it in the comments. Aly will be answering in upcoming Q&A sessions.

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📲 Try Paired now: https://paired.go.link/iBpZW

📸 Follow Aly: @relationshipswithaly

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