Bend, Don’t Break: The Power of Psychological Flexibility | Ross G. White

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I’m joined by Professor Ross G. White — clinical psychologist, researcher, and author of The Tree That Bends: How a Flexible Mind Can Help You Thrive. Together, we explore what it really means to live well in high-pressure, high-performance cultures, and why psychological flexibility may be one of the most important skills for thriving rather than burning out.

Ross and I begin by unpacking the hidden costs of high achievement — including perfectionism, relentless striving, and shame-based self-criticism — alongside the genuine rewards that keep us pushing forward. From there, we explore how psychological flexibility helps us hold strong intentions without becoming rigidly attached to outcomes, allowing us to pursue meaningful goals while protecting our wellbeing.

We then dive into the core framework of The Tree That Bends, using the metaphor of a tree to bring psychological flexibility to life. Ross explains the three key elements — being Anchored, Willing, and Empowered — and how values, mindfulness, and willingness to meet difficult thoughts and emotions can guide us towards more workable, compassionate ways of living.

Later in the conversation, we explore the Get–Threat–Reset modes, drawing parallels with compassion science and the realities of modern life. Ross shares practical ways to cultivate reset — through compassion, gratitude, wonder, and courageous life choices — and why reset is essential for long-term flourishing.

We finish by turning our attention to men, masculinity, self-compassion, and psychological flexibility. Ross speaks powerfully about the cultural pressures men face around performance and emotional restraint, and how self-compassion can be reframed not as weakness, but as strength turned inward — a vital resource for living fuller, kinder, and more connected lives.

TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Introduction to Psychological Flexibility
00:37 Meet Professor Ross G. White
01:14 High Achievement and Its Hidden Costs
03:41 Perfectionism, Shame, and Burnout
08:06 What Is Psychological Flexibility?
08:59 Strong Intention, Light Attachment
19:23 The Tree That Bends Metaphor
20:48 Anchored, Willing, Empowered
25:31 Discovering Personal Values
28:34 Values, Roles, and Context
29:21 Emotional Distress and What It Points To
30:36 Practical Ways to Identify Values
31:30 Willingness and Meeting Discomfort
32:07 The Media Outlet Analogy
33:21 The Roving Reporter Exercise
36:42 Empowerment, Purpose, and Action
43:49 Reset Mode and the Tree Metaphor
48:10 Men, Masculinity, and Self-Compassion
53:02 Where to Find Ross and Final Reflections

The Tree That Bends: How a Flexible Mind Can Help You Thrive
https://www.amazon.com.au/Tree-That-B...
Ross’s website: https://www.rossgwhite.com/
Follow Ross on Instagram and LinkedIn: @rossgwhite

If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts...

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psychologicalflexibility, selfcompassion, mentalhealth, compassionfocusedtherapy, wellbeing, resilience