Ep 3. The Apology. Just saying you're sorry isn't enough. (What to say instead)

In affair recovery, your apology is about rebuilding trust and healing your partner's trauma response. Your cheating broke their world; your apology is the first step in helping them heal after betrayal.

A meaningful apology is crucial to surviving infidelity and healing. Your partner must be able to hear your regret to overcome the trauma of your cheating.

In Episode 3 of the Healing Infidelity series, Jacob Brown, a couples therapist in Sausalito, CA, explains why traditional apologies fail and introduces the concept of the Restorative Apology. Learn how to move past simple regret and start addressing the deep emotional injury caused by betrayal.

In this video, you will learn:
• The "No But" Rule: Why adding "but" to an apology turns it into an insult and blames your partner.
• Radical Ownership: How to take full responsibility for the choice to cheat without making excuses about the marriage.
• Regret vs. Empathy: Why apologizing for the sex isn't enough—you must apologize for the trauma and safety you destroyed.
• The 3-Part Apology Framework: A practical tool to handle triggers (like missed calls) using Admission, Acknowledgement of Impact, and a Plan.

TIMESTAMPS:
0:00 - Introduction: Healing Infidelity Series
1:24 - Why "I'm Sorry" Doesn't Work
2:33 - The "No But" Rule Explained
3:54 - Taking Radical Ownership
4:41 - What the Injured Partner Really Needs
5:48 - How to Listen and Understand the Damage
7:20 - When Triggers Happen After the Affair
8:10 - Example: The Missed Phone Call
9:20 - The Three-Part Apology Framework (Admission, Impact, Plan)
10:58 - Summary: Understanding Over Apologizing
12:14 - Closing Thoughts

ABOUT THE SERIES: "Healing from infidelity" is a series dedicated to helping couples navigate the difficult journey of affair recovery. Whether you are the unfaithful spouse or the injured partner, these videos provide clinical insights to help you rebuild trust and safety.

Connect with Jacob Brown:
• Website: www.jbamft.com

#infidelityrecovery #affairrecovery #couplestherapy #relationshipadvice #healing #restorativeapology